Na preda hotiz...

Today..

2009-10-07T02:08:36Z

.. would have been his birthday!

I miss him!

Saltimbanco

2009-08-06T01:07:46Z

Saw the show this past weekend for the first time! I loved everything so much!

The whole show is perfect. All the acts and the music (!) and the characters. Loved the Eddy character and trapeze (!!), and chinese poles, and hand-to-hand, haha, and juggling (I found it amusing the artist is Peruvian, lol) and boleadoras, and I thought the bicycle act was especially cute, and the electric guitar parts and jazzy saxaphone, haha, and the singers!! And .. ... all of it! Some of the best, I think. I can't believe I didn't see until now. And even though most of the acts were acts I'd seen in other shows, the way they were presented and performed in Saltimbanco was so fun and refreshing and classic at the same time and it made me so happy. So glad I was able to see it. I loved it.

.. Yay..... And I met Jeff there too! It's always nice to finally meet friends in person. And nice to have someone there to chat with since I'm usually go alone, so that was a plus :)

.. Double yay...

Stayed with my aunt for the weekend. She lives right across the street from a cemetery and she said a few months ago someone abandoned a bunch of cats there, and since she feels so bad for them she feeds them what she can every night. They hang around her house now. It's so sad, they're near 15 cats in total, including two new kittens! (I'm guessing the rest of the litter died :( )

So my mom and I went to the grocery store and bought a big bag of dry food and some wet food and fed them a good meal. Hope it lasts a while... :( They're so tiny and thin and defensive. IT'S SO SAD.

I wish I could have taken them all and healed them all back to health and given them care. It's so tragic to think some of them have never received any kind of affection :( :( :(

Here are some of them:

look at the grey one, so cuuuute

this one is the only one that was affectionate/didn't fear people. She was rubbing up on me and curling around my legs! I scratched her a bit, although I wished I could have hugged her, but I can only imagine how infested she, and all of them, were with fleas, ticks and whatnot. They were all so dirty and hungry and ... in need of love :( :(

:(

CONAN!!!!!!!

2009-07-08T05:47:16Z

Omg. I waited for this day for so long!! I think I started watching Conan when I was in, 6th grade? Or 3rd grade? I can't remember.. sometime in between there, haha, though either way it was probably far too young to be watching him. .. I remember me and Carolyn Cha would stay up on the telephone and watch him.. hahaha, when i think about that that's so weird. And this is kind of strange too, but in middle school I wrote him a letter, HAHAHA. OMG.

I always wanted to go to New York, just to go to his show and see him. But I never made it to New York, and he ended up coming here instead!! Hehehe. So I got tickets a few weeks ago and FINALLY THE DAY CAME.

OMGGGGGG. IT WAS SO AMAZING. When Conan came out I seriously started getting, like, a little emotional.. LOL, I was like, What the... I didn't even know it meant that much to me, haha... (.. embarrassing...) But it was so cool.. and surreal to actually be there in his studio. And to see him live, being all funny and adorable. AW I LOVE HIM. I WANTED TO HUG HIM.

And LOL AT LA BAMBA!! OMG I was laughing so hard at him. Just because, haha. I was hoping they'd do 'In the Year 2000/3000...' but they didn't... they did TwitterTracker instead, which is actually the one bit i was hoping they wouldn't because I think the voice is kind of annoying, personally. But that's okay. haha. And I knew Max wasn't going to be there either, he's off touring, so I was kind of disappointed, but that's okay, it'll be extra exciting next time I go to see the show.

I can't wait to go again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My eternal love for Conan just grew to infinity and beyond.

Haha, when I came home I told my cousin about it (he's visiting from Mexico and doesn't even know who Conan is, haha), and he was like, So it was like.. like, a dream come true for you, then? And I was like YES! Hahaha! I hadn't thought of it that way, but it totally was!!!!! Aw, Conan!

Anyway, i don't post much here, but I HAD to post about this.. because it was so AWESOME. It was so cool/happy/all of the above, haha.

So everyone, watch the show tonight... please!!! I don't think anyone here actually watches it... hahaha.. But do tonight!! It's a funny episode! Samuel L. Jackson, Kevin Connelly, Andrew Bird as guests.

Okay, bye.

I don't think I mentioned this but i got a new camera... well, back in January, a point and shoot because I don't always like carrying my big one. I chose the Canon Powershot G10 and I hadn't really ever used the macro until today and it surprised/impressed me. See below for more examples:

I love Rory so much. Pictures of her will come soon, it's been a while since an a photo pet post.

lol, alien

stitching..

OKAY PLEASE WATCH CONAN TONIGHT! NBC, 11:35pm!

Snow

2009-04-29T06:44:05Z

Snow is gone. It breaks my heart.

I wish so badly he didn't have to go. But 12 and half years is a really long time.

I remember the day we got him. My dad came home one December and said something about a puppy. I don't think I believed him. It was such a surprise, no one had said anything about getting a dog. He told me to go check the van, so I ran to the garage, the car door was open, I saw a baby Snow so deeply asleep on the floor of the passenger side. He didn't even look real he was so fluffy. So i poked him on his side and he woke up and just ran into the house like a wild animal, haha.

Oh, Snow... your sweet little face. Forever in all my memories. Forever with me.

If I ever get another dog, it will be because of him. Because of how wonderful he was, and adorable and funny, and precious, and because of all the joy he brought me. All in memory of him. Always in memory of him.

Aw, i loved him. More than I realized.

So, so, sad to see him go... once so strong and powerful.. then so weak and aged.

We have so many nice memories of him and with him. Too many to recount of the past twelve years.

I'll always think of him when i hear the Disneyland fireworks every night at 9:30... (or thunder), because he was afraid of the sounds. Despite having heard them all his life. He'd come to the doors or windows and want to come in.

I remember the time I told him to come to the middle of the lawn, and i pet him, caressed him, and then I told my mom to turn the sprinklers on.... hahahaha. I ran out of there, but he was just standing there because with his eyes closed he couldn't find a way out. lol.. he knew it was all in good fun..

But I'm glad he went in peace. Where he was happy and comfortable, out on the grass, under the shade, the breeze blowing on his nose, ice cream truck song distantly playing... His beautiful face never faded.. not even as he lay there in his eternal rest.

As much as I wish he could still be here, at least he's up there in the land of happy and loved animals, reunited with Rain. And someday with me.

Oh, Snow ... I miss you.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

-Author unknown

Snow, Rory and Paris

2008-11-01T04:52:47Z

I'm clearly obsessed.

.. and clearly have way too much time.

i can't believe i've become one of those people... that dress their pets up..

he must think i'm ridiculous.

this one is embarrassing, haha.

THEY'RE SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND CUDDLYYYYYYYY

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

She was falling asleep and her head was drooping and drooping and drooping lower until her mouth hit the ground and she just laid asleep like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg i died.

i lovvvvvvvvvve the way Paris curls her tail up around herselffffff!!!!!

'meow meow i'm so cute'

curious Rory

Happy Halloween.

kitties! =)

2008-10-27T23:45:30Z

They're both sisters and 4-months old! We got them Saturday from a family friend.

I've never wanted a cat and never really thought I could like cats but they're soooooooooo cuteeeee. I totally love them now.

Rory

et

Paris!

They're kind of big... i wish we could have gotten them when they were tiny but that's okay!

hehe

aw!

Rory has less grey on her face and she is the more playful one too. She is easily becoming attached. She jumps up and lays on my lap and that is soooooooo cute!!!!

Paris has more grey on her face and she's a little more hesitant... most likely cause she got chased by Snow when she first got here, lol.

But they've barely been here three days so they're just barely making themselves at home.

I love them.

And Snow turned 12 yrs old earlier this month (October 6th, hehe)!!!! He's a mammoth compared to the kitties.

Well these first ones are pretty old, from when he had his e-collar on over the summer.

eating, haha.

he always looked extra sad with his e-collar... he hated it, hehe.

blink for the camera!

I bought him a $1 imitation Burberry scarf, hahaha.

i love him he's still my fav.

So does anyone have any advice on cats? Is there something I should definitely know about them? Something i should never feed them? Something they absolutely love? I don't think they really like the treats i got them :\ ... How/where do they like to be pet? I'm petting them like i would Snow but I'm not sure if they really like it or not... I don't know anything about cats so... anything would be appreciated!

Zumanity - 07.09, O + LOVE - 07.10

2008-07-14T00:13:27Z

This was the first time in a loooooong time that my mother and I did not go to Las Vegas alone. We went with her friend and two daughters. We stayed at the Mirage, so upon arrival we ate at the buffet there. Mmmmmm..... i love shrimp. I love shrimp so so so much. Even though it was sort of bland, i don't know i just love shrimp.

Then we laid around the room for a while, the new remodeled ones are really nice and i love the smell of new stuff. Then mother and I went to the show.

Zumanity - 7:30pm

OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW.

The performance was so awesome. And so hilarious. I love it so much. Mother did too... kind of.

Corinne was not in the show. So I was disappointed my mom didn't get to hear her live... recordings were used for some songs like hoops, but I think it was the lady guitarist that sang a few other songs, or at least I noticed it for the hand-to-hand song. I think the rest of the show was the usual, all the acts were in. Waterbowl was a man/woman duo, with the male handbalancer, Dima, and the same female contortionist I saw last time, Stephanie I think, she is very pretty. And aerial silks was performed by the two ballet dancers. I was a little disappointed again that my mom didn't get to see Alan perform, although he was still in the show.

Mother lovvvved Antonio!! Hahahaha. He's the best. She was dying during Lazy Susan of Sex, omg. Overall, she said it was a really fun show. She was really impressed by the hoops act and waterbowl contortion and hand-to-hand, and Wassa! However, she said she was shocked I liked it so much.. since I'm the kind of person that says Ew when there's a make-out scene on a telenovela, haaha. So she therefore forbade me from seeing the show again, hahaha!!!! Three times is way more then enough according to her. And I actually think she's serious.... boo hoo. We shall see...

Then I don't remember the rest of the night.

The next morning and day we hung out at Caesar's Palace.... it was boring, but such a nice hotel.

Then it was time for "O" since I had tickets for my mom's friend's two daughters and myself. They had never seen a Cirque show and they really loved it. They want to see them all now.

"O" - 7:30pm

I don't know what to say... i hadn't seen it since Dec of '06.

I love russian swing, omg. And contortion and bateau and high dive and the cadres and aerial hoops and washington trapeze and the music and all the crazy characters. I love it all. I love everything going on during the Comet dance too, omg. Omg, omg, omg. Hahahahhaa. I LOVE THE COMET DANCE. I think its my favorite part of the entire show. So hilarious. I want to see it again.

Then we went back to the hotel and I caught the late performance of LOVE.

LOVE - 10pm

I think I'm going through a LOVE phase, because every time i watch this show I love it more and i just want to watch it again.

Something in the way she moves, omg.... the dancer was gorgeous. It was very, ballet. He didn't fall off the stage at the end though.. which i think is such a great exit..

Omg the big white sheet pretty much smacked the few rows in front of me, so funny.

Lucy in the sky.... was so pretty and magical, its one of my favorites.

Russian Swing man wore a safety line, which is not the usual, is it?

And yeah, what else can I say?... I love all the dancing. It's so fun to watch. I love love lovvvve it.

Oh and lil' Myro was not in the show!

Algunas fotos.. i become more lazy with pictures everyday, i think. i want to revert back to a point and shoot.

i liked this.

ok and these are all overexposed but i really didn't care when i was taking them. maybe some other time when there aren't 4125674890 people in the lobby.

sleepy...

And that is all.

Zumanity - 06.08, Mystère + LOVE - 06.09

2008-06-12T06:59:48Z

Mother and I went to Las Vegas... it was pretty boring.. except for the shows. And the $1K she won, whoo.

Zumanity - 10:30pm

OMGGGG SERIOUSLY--- my new fav show!

I LOVE ANTONIO. He is hilariousssss!!!! I can't believe the things he says. I have to get my mom to see this show next time, she'd die within 5 minutes of hearing him talk.

So the show was great, even better than last time. I sat closer this time so that was nice. I got to see water bowl this time around too, although it was solo. I didn't recognize her, maybe she is new? Her name was Stephanie. She was good, did a few of the impressive contortion holds. But I still would have liked to see a duo. And I also got to see the Hand-to-hand Sex is Beautiful act! OMG SO BEAUTIFULLLL. I don't know what else to say, there was not a moment i wasn't engaged by it, it was perfect.

The whole show was amazing. Love it all. Hoops is so fantastic, Rose Boy striptease is hilarious, in the isecretlyloveit way. (still sad i didn't snatch a rose, haha) Dislocation is so... eerie. And Dance on TV was sooooooooo hot. Hotter than last time, if that's possible. Maybe it seemed that way because i was sitting closer. Anyway, Elena is a goddess. Solo silks is pleasant to watch, i love Alan's last few stunts, he really impresses the crowd. And during Lazy Susan of Sex everyone saw the poor middle aged woman's pink panties and butt cheeks. Lol, the man next to me was DYING, i almost wanted to ask him if he was going to be okay, lol.

So it was all super great. ...except for the 2men act, which i find kind of boring. Bleh. And while I really love Edie, i think he's really cute, he really didn't stand out much this time. Seemed like he was barely even in the show.

I can't wait to see this show again!!! I love that it has a guaranteed laugh factor, its impossible not to have a good time. I think maybe I will take my mom to the show next time.. i think she will probably be shocked at some of the stuff but on the other hand, she would absolutely die at Antonio's antics.

And then on the way out my mother and I shared an elevator with the former, and now pregnant, Wind dancer and her drummer husband. They're cute. Pregnant people are cute.. especially when they're out with with their baby's daddy. And then we saw Julia (so gorgeous) and some other artist in the parking lot.

Monday night we headed to Treasure Island.

Mystère - 7:00pm
At first I was kind of like, Okay why am I seeing this show again? It wasn't even that great last time.. But I bought another ticket because it was a) super cheap with the discount, b) i refused to give up on it, and c) it was the only other Cirque show open.

But anyway, i'm super glad i saw it again because it was a pretty different show than I saw last time. Brian Dewhurst was out, so it was a different guy, i don't know who he was but he was really funny. Red bird was a female, as were the two female green lizards and i got Bebe the man-baby this time, who I absolutely adorrrre. And Paul Bowler was in. And overall it was awesome, totally renewed my love for the show. (Lovvvvvvvvvvve the Stas character omgsocuuuuuute (and i was actually far enough to see his handbalancing for once)). And my seat was nearly dead center, maybe that helped. I sat in the last row of 103 so i actually got a good scope of the show for the first time. Music was great, the bungees song is my favorite and korean plank was so amazing omg. omg. Hand-to-hand guys had a bit of trouble, it made me nervous.

Then I went next door to see..

LOVE - 10:00pm

It was the same, but not. Lots of new artists, many of the originals gone.. some parts during the show I didn't feel like they were as strong in their characters.. yet. But really not a big deal, the show was still really beautiful of course. Made me really happy. And i still left really wishing the show went on and really wanting to see it again.

So...

Something in the Way She Moves is still my favorite!!! I love it so much. I saw yet another artist's solo. Of the three times i've seen the show, each time I've seen a different artist and each one's solo is progressively more acrobatic than dance. Which is fine... but i remember the first guy I saw was nearly all dance and still really moving.

Yesterday. This made me want to cry. I didn't, but it made me want to. And for some reason i remember there being couples... right? It was rather brief and only one couple danced. Weren't there couples though? or did i just make this up in my memories?

Hmmm... what else? It must be fantastic to be Lucy in the Sky. Come Together is hot. Lovvvvvvvve the big white sheet and when it hits people in the face.

MYRO IS SO COOL. All the kids are cool. But I want to hug Myro, he's so cute. Btw, I am just wondering, but how old was he when he started in Alegria?
And I don't know who it was, probably that Stokely kid all over youtube, but one of the kids randomly broke out into a one-arm handstand during the opening scene, I was like Whoa.. way to be really crazy.

Overall, i want to see the show again. It made me feel happy.

And one last note, I was looking forward to seeing Claudio in the show but i was sad that he had already left. Boo. I love seeing former artists from other shows playing different characters and seeing other sides of them. But Taras is in the show now, so I did see him. And i think he's seriously crazy. But in a good way, haha. Take any other acrobat, than times them by ten and you get Taras. He is intriguingly fun to watch.

So.. that is all. It was fun. Would have been more fun (omg i just typed funner..) to go with someone though... someone be my friend and come see shows with me.

Oh yeah and about the 1K my mom won, well, it was over a time span of about 5 hrs, haha. She started with $100 and then kept going up and down between $650-$1300. And i just stood there with her watching.. I was flattered none of the casino supervisors asked me to move. Bahahaaha, i'm dumb. Anyway, in the end we left with winnings that basically paid for the trip and then left some to book the next trip, so that was nice. I'm moving to Las Vegas once i turn 21, by the way.

I wish I had a nice picture to show, but i don't. (Ugh, i wish so bad i could take pictures during the show, i was in a few near perfect seats for photos... bahghh). I hate text-only posts on this journal though so here is a lame one, or two, or three:

sandstorm beat up the car.

Oh yeah and we stayed at the Luxor.. this was kind of a rare occassion, as we stayed two nights. I can't remember the last time I stayed more than one night in Las Vegas..but yeah, i hadn't been there in a long time and I came to find that Pharaoh's Pheast is gone! haha..

Lots of Believe promos up too, i can't wait to see it! More than seeing Criss Angel though, I am more excited to see the dancing and choreography. I mean Wade Robson.. you know it's going to be amazing. I'm excited for my eyes to see something completely new from Cirque. And my ears. And i want to see Criss Angel levitate, that is really all, then i will believe, hahaa... lame. Anyway, we are considering going for a preview performance since my mom's birthday is Sept. 7.. but i start school that week or the week before or something. So maybe we'll go after ... i dunno.. We'll see.

Wish you all lots of.. summer love. Bye...

Snowgie picture post

2008-03-30T01:31:42Z

First, a few old ones i took with a film camera..

:D

And some recent ones..

his body's so aged..

reminds me of the hyena from Lion King here..

he was so thirsty...

blink!

happy!

I'm so obsessed with him.

Corteo - 02.13, 8pm

2008-02-15T00:47:11Z

Ammmazing show last night!

It was for reals 100% sold out. Even the empty seat next to me was filled in by a solo lady.. who would frequently take her binoculars out, haha.

I sat in 105 F 1... I thought sitting aisle would be bad for pictures, since I'd be more likely to be seen, but it was actually very good for shots. And sitting center was splendid.

The man behind me had brought his Canon EOS and he asked an usher if he could take pictures and the usher was like, No, pictures of the show are not allowed, but there are some other very nice shots you can get outside the tent, we got posters and signs and many other pictures spots where you can take a picture to show you were here, I'd be glad to take it for you after the show. I was like, posters? lol

Oh yeah and then I saw a couple with their little Yorkie in hand... that was odd. I didn't think they were any exceptions to the no pets rule.

Almost directly behind me in the first row of the following section were these two big black ladies.... omg, they were so funny. They'd be like BRAVO! BRAVO! Or during ladder, ALRIGHT NOW! ... YEAH BOI! Or when Anastasia reached the top, Yeah! You Rock! or laughing/cackling at random stuff.... hahaha, may sound obnoxious but I thought it was soooooo funny. And they shrieked during planche.. hahahaa.

The entire audience was so into the show, it was fun. Haha, i feel like a had such a good time!

El show. Full show.
Animation on my side was Julien, Emilie and Yohann.

Alain was really good! I like him. His voice is really powerful. But personally, i think a little too powerful at times, kind of like his voice takes over the stage/act. But anyways, he really sounds great in everything. Sometimes he sounded exactly like Paul. .... His clapping/snapping in Porque needs work though, haha.

Um, MMF makes chandeliers sexy.
Bouncing Beds was the usual.
I felt like Roue Cyr was even better than normal tonight. I love it. So much.
I used to think Little Mares was so dumb and now I think its so funny.
When will the Loyal Whistler SHUT UP during Fanfare???! So obnoxious. I really don't remember Sean doing that part? Did he?
Acrobatic Duet! This act makes me smile/be happy.
Valentyna's flight. Do you want to dance? Okay... .. Dance!... dance!... dance!...
Planche. After Stephane left, and then Jeremie and then hearing about Petar's nearing departure, I thought, Oh geez... never gonna be the same, never gonna be as amazing as the originals. But Its really not the case at all! They had no falls or stumbles this time, they stuck every landing, it was sooooo crazy. They're getting better and better with each show!

Paradise was awesome! The audience was definitely feeling it along with me. Haha at the male flyer, he's cool. And I'm assuming Taras has retired from the act completely now as he wasn't in again (PS. his white clown hair is hilarious).

And yeah... the rest of the show was pretty much the norm.
Crowd loved Uzeyer. And the jugglers.
Duo Straps was especially beautiful.
And Tournik was a mild version... except for Michel Conceicao's cool dismount.

And now algunas fotos.

And Okay, this happens to me time and time again. I don't know why I'm so dumb and just like to assume that when I pick the camera up its ready to use. Ahhhhhhh, i forget. So therefore, very few of act 1. But then act 2 didn't turn out that much better... maybe the distance? I hadn't sat any higher than D for pictures... I thought the distance would have helped though... ugh.

This seat was actually really fantastic for the actual taking of the pictures.
For example I was able to get some vertical shots in the mix! Since I had the aisle I could prop my arm out as much as I wanted to... very nice.. haha.

he's so huge, lol.

so amazing.

huddle time.

yes!

Analu's new hat...

Ahhhhhhhh! MMF, lol!

I wish I could just... put my digital camera down and take one of my film cameras. But I can't.

More to come, going with mother tomorrow!

Random pictures.

2008-01-08T03:06:39Z

jeweled stocking

And now..

Snow!

he is my love. my eternal love.

And here are some of our banana tree.

Unfortunate that the branch broke during the little storm last Friday :( that's why its hanging all sad like that..
it used to hang above the patio posts.

Mmmm, fatties!

this is the flower, i believe..

.. the hummingbirds love to eat from it.

And here's the runt branch from the other side...

lol all skinny... mother believes it's because it didn't get enough water..

And that's all I have...
hope y'all had a happy new year!

Corteo - 12.23, 5pm

2007-12-26T01:57:04Z

Went to the last show Sunday night!...

When I walked into the chapiteau Bruno and Dmytro, the duo straps guy, were getting ready for animation and they were greeting the people walking in... I wanted to say to the straps guy, You and your wife, ya'll are beautiful. But i didn't, haha...

The show was pretty much the same... Except no planche, so that was disappointing.

hahahahaa i love this one because you look at Tatiana, and then you look at Oleg.. hahahha.

La promenade.

They're so beautiful..

After I took this shot, the one on the left was like "No pictures..." and I was like ..... ... .... ... . ew.. don't tell me not to take pictures... lol, it was odd.

It was the last show for Denise, Julie Dionne from Chandeliers and Ira, the White Clown... they all received flowers.. it was kind of sad.. because they got sad and emotional.. best of luck to them all.

thank you little angel for getting in my way.

And that is all. No more Corteo within a 20 minute drive.. ... . .... ... I love Corteo..

And merry christmas to everyone!

hair, hair, hair

2007-12-18T02:44:07Z

Okay so I've been wanting to donate my hair for 3-4 years now, so finally I decided to cut it!

I waited years to actually donate it because I didn't want my hair to be super short when I did cut it. The the last time I trimmed it was like October 2006... so when I measured the minimum 10 inches, I still had a good length left, so I thought, 'tis a good time to cut... and besides I was kind of sick of my hair..

I wanted to cut it myself, at home... but then i thought it would probably be better to have someone else cut it.. so I went to a hair salon...

I don't know why I always have bad hair cut experiences.... so, not to be rude but when I walked in, the hair cut lady had a little crazy eye and... I wanted her to take a picture for me but, she did not look competent enough to use my camera, so .. i decided not to ask her...

I brought a measuring tape.. but the woman was like, actually my 6-inch comb is a ruler. I was like Okay... ... .. .. that made me a little worried...

After a while, i decided to do 11 inches because i read on the Locks of Love website that 2 inches is used up on the processing or something so I thought Why not?... I'll have plenty of hair left..

BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS LADY ACTUALLY WAS AN IDIOT.

... Would someone like to explain to me how this is 11 inches?

and look at the way she cut the end.. wtf.

I know, its for a good cause.... and it grows back... so yay for short hair! and yay for donation!

... but, i do not enjoy shoulder-length hair AT ALL, and especially not when it's all wavy and curly and thick.

... .. .. .. . .

sending it out tomorrow! So awesome that you can just mail it in! So easy.

I'm still a little upset. It was suppose to be 2-3 inches past my shoulders.. it ain't the same having it two inches from your chin.

I'm gonna massage my scalp every night from now on.

BUT ANYWAYS.

hehe...

He ate my sandwich today... i went upstairs real quick and when i got back he was eating it..

bye.

And happy holidays!

Corteo - 12.15, 4pm

2007-12-17T02:35:12Z

Went to the matinee yesterday. Last time I go to an early show.

Foot juggling, Oleg was still in but I did not see Tatiana at all, no planche, Valentyna's flight was short... Paradise had a minor mistake, after it they just all stood up there for like 20 seconds talking to each other figuring out what to do next. No hair hang in duo aerial straps.

Paradise is one of my favorite acts ever... and the music makes me smile.

Some people were in my seat, turned out they were suppose to be on the other side... dumb, because they had to figure it all out as the show began.

Paul is so cool. Love Denise.

Can't remember anything else...

I sat in 102 today, its the only section I hadn't taken pictures from.. it was a really good spot, but most of the pictures didn't turn out because I'm dumb and whenever I use my camera for something else I forget to set it back to the settings I use for the show or I don't remember the settings I use... cause usually its just trial and error..

I'm going to take my mom to a show this week! She looovvves Valentyna! Can't wait... ha.

Corteo - 12.13, 8pm

2007-12-15T02:06:19Z

All I have to say is ***k Tapis Rouge. Since when don't you even get a program anymore? Just the measly stupid CD. Can you believe that?.. What the hell. What bitches.

What hoes.

What a rip off. $210 for some cheesecake and pear empanadas... I didn't even have time to taste the food before the show started since I was just on time to get inside.

But anyways.

First, the roommates... they took me to Ketchup in LA for dinner Wednesday night...

.. they can be so endearing... har har..

So I think I made my fastest time to the site, haha I was running late, i sped and hoped there would be no cops around anywhere...

I had an aisle seat, 105 B 1, but... how obvious would that have been? So I moved down four empty seats to 5.. later a couple came and occupied the other seats next to me so I was glad, because i need to the coverage.

That psycho usher that saw me take a picture last time. Omg, seriously, what a psycho. She was on it tonight. She told at least 5 people in my section to put their cameras away, including the people right next to me. Bahaha. And btw, I love people with camera phones... LOL.. seriously.. i don' get that... so funny.. haha... but anyhow...

The show was good. But overall not particularly the best night ever.
-Oleg and Tatiana were in, they were alot better last night and the crowd really loved them.
-Roue Cyr felt shorter, probably was.
-Paradise is the shiz.
-Lol at the end of the show as all the girls walked offstage waving bye, the guys sitting behind me were all like Byyyye! Byyyye! And then Denise walked by and one of them was like Byyye I Love You!... hahahaha, so funny.

So tonight I decided to try a couple different things on my camera and that resulted in pretty much... nothing. Haha... which sucked so much because it was nearly like the perfect seat... I think I'm going to go back and try to sit in the same exact seat because it was perfect for pictures.

But anyways, the very few that did turn out...

The little chandeliers! Ahhhh i want one! ... I didn't even ask if they actually sell them..

I was so surprised when I saw this picture.. as I took it from my lap, zoomed. It's not
cropped or anything. ... but if only that wire wouldn't have crossed right through his face
making it look like he has a mustache or something...

They're so cute!!

He's cool.

Julien had a slip in tournik, nothing major though.

YAY

Okay and that's it... more later I suppose.

Cirque Eloize: Rain

2007-12-11T00:50:02Z

Went to the matinee yesterday. Got into the theatre 10 mins late because we couldn't find the place. So I missed the Prologue, tumbling and banquine according to the program :( It was really good. But I still thought it was going to be better... The standouts for me were juggling! Loved it alot. Contortion in a suitcase, roue cyr (incredible!) and aerial hoop was nice. And then of course the entire end in the water and rain and everything was beautiful. And all the artists are amazing! Omg, all so multi-talented... I was in awe. I enjoyed the show.

So no pictures, no nothing, just boring text.

Corteo - 12.07, 4pm

2007-12-08T09:04:05Z

No Paul! But omg Denise.. omg omg. Her voice gave me chills during Chandeliers! And omg omg her Porque was just--ashdgfajshfbmdsdjkfhdkjfhsd. For reals. I was like, in awe. The violinist (omg) and guitar player accompanied her onstage. It was so so beautiful.

A recording of Paul was used for Bouncing Beds... but I think that was it. And btw, I love all the performers in this act, they're all so funny.

I want to see Olegggg already!!!!

Valentyna was... insane! Some man gave her a really big push with one hand that sent her flying up and she was like, "Wooooww!" HAHAHA. And then I got her push her! SO CUTE. LOVE HER.

Then there was no Planche... what a rip off.

Paradise was soooooo good today. omg.

It was like a full house... I was surprised, I mean for a matinee. Weekday nights i've gone usually have a few big chunks of empty seats around.

Juggling was a trio, without the girl. It was mediocre.

Ladder is always awesome.

Duo straps. Love them!

At curtain call, there were some standing ovations, a man two seats from me stood clapping and then there was some old grandpa behind him that was all like, "EXCUSE ME! I CAN'T SEE!" I was like EW THEN GET UP.

And now pictures... It was a bit interesting today because I sat in section 104, and I hadn't shot pictures from there.. so yah... haha..

One of the reason I wanted to go to at least one matinee was to take a picture of the tent, haha.
It had just rained, the sky was grey and pretty. I ran in late and didn't have time to take anymore :(

she's got skills.

I'm so sad this came out blurry. I'm determined to get this same shot again.

gravitation on Hideto Okuzawa...

lol

i always get scared he's going to fall off the horse!

i love the way they smile at each other... true love man..

yo Duke, you intense.

haha i don't know why but Bruno and the other guy holding hands made me LOL

git yo hands outta my frame woman.

the end.

Oh yeah and if y'all want to see some real photography check out Richard Termine Photography. The [circus] section has some amazing amazing, incredible photographs. .... Now those are real photos. Seriously, I was looking at them last night and I got really really jealous...

Corteo - 12.05, 8pm

2007-12-07T02:30:26Z

Went last night... I ended up being super early and I don't like being super early so I drove around for a while, went near South Coast and saw that.. I think its a church? But omg, i need to stop by there sometime and take pictures of it, its gorged with christmas lights, it's beeeeaauuuttifuuullll! Is it open to the public?

During the pre-show you could hear the other side roaring, but my side was so dull.

All in all, it was a fairly good show. Juggling was in... I think the girl is super adorable, but... Seriously, I want to see Oleg perform. what is up? I hope he performs again at least a few times before they leave the fairgrounds.. :( I wanna take pictures of him.. it doesn't seem likely though.

Paul played Porque accompanied tonight, last two nights I saw the show he played onstage alone. Just as the act began someone in the audience on the other side started screaming. You could hear a woman's voice, just screaming and moaning. I have no idea what happened but she was carried out... :/

There was a company group of about 10 people sitting in the same row as me. I was surprised they all left after intermission. It seemed they were enjoying the show. One of them left their VIP bag though... so I took it and I was like uh suckas!

Valentyna is wild.

At the end of the show, there wasn't an immediate standing ovation and so then some lady in the second row turned around and started yelling at everyone to GET UP!!!!!! Haha, it was funny.

Pictures...

bahahaa, complete miss. but i like it still.

I always take 238648723642 shots of Paul during Porque but they NEVER turn out...

lol, Kit's face cracked me up in the 2nd one.

falling chickens.

another total miss, har har.

Paul, he's so hot right now.

they're hot too.

she's cute.

Okay I think that's all.

Love it.

Quidam in Guadalajara (photos)

2007-11-06T09:24:10Z

Very picture heavy under the cut.

First, some family pictures.

haha, man my little cousin's eating too many flour tortillas...

hahahaha the most unflattering picture of my aunt ever.

i’m really jealous she’s so pretty.

haha very unflattering picture of my cousin..

the male cousin.

my uncle… so funny.. he's a camera fanatic too actually.

grandma, aunt, gross sleepy eyes, mother.

And that’s pretty much it for family pictures… lol, I kind of really slacked off on taking pictures of the family this time. I don’t know why.. I just got lazy.. my bad.. but I’m most likely going back for Christmas so… yeah.. I’ll see them all there again, haha.

Okay and now Quidam. I took a bunch, and as expected over half came out blurry but oh well, some of them came out good, others unbearable but I’m going to post most of them anyways.

Some of the site.. it was huge..

i thought the mini arches were soooooooooo cute.

general lounge

I'm partially sad because before leaving I went to the camera store to buy a star filter, if you've ever seen a photo taken
with one it gives it a really cool efffect and so anyways I went but they were out.... and I really wanted one so I could take
a nice picture of the chapiteau with all its lights.. :(

the cute photo spot they put up.

le grand chapiteau et moi.

there's something about this one that I really like...

Tapis Rouge

Okay.. and now.. for the show..

(It's kind of dumb because I wasn't planning on taking pictures of the show, I didn't think it was going to be so easy to, so I only brought one memory card, and I didn't even bother making it a clean memory card, I just took one I had with other stuff on it, so toward the middle of the show I ran out and deleted most of what I had on it but still toward the end of the show I only had like 15 shots left. I had to choose carefully what to take pictures of. I took around 300 nonetheless, but still it sucks because it was very limiting... haha doesn't sound like it, but it totally was!)

blurry but kinda cool.

heh, got a little carried away with the curtain...

(Okay and now all the following were taken at the Saturday late show, from 101 AA 10... (the above were different)).

Nikolai Glushchenko, Kata Banhegyi, Donna Stevens, Steven Ragatz

Dalyane Dumas sang that day.

doin' da splits!

i missed the moment he look over my way.. :\

Kristina Besstchetnaya.

would've been a nice moment had it not been blurry...

Jailton as Boum Boum.

TOTO!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE'S THE BEST!

haahhahahahaha!

lol

HAHAHA!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so deceiving!!

blurry at its blurriest...

this one is one of my favorites.

haha Tony Mevius' costume cracks me up.

Kristina and Oksana.

I'm sad all the cereaux pictures I took turned out blurry... though it was inevitable.. the whole show was going to be inevitably blurry.. haha.

loovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve aerial hoops!

i love this part.

She's so pretty.

Most all of these Spanish Webs ones I took without looking... even though the ushers were oblivious, there was this one actual tour staff member standing to the left of stage.. and I was afraid he would see me.. and plus, how would I look with this huge black camera above my head? haha pretty obvious... (even more than with a huge black camera to my face I guess...)

Okay and the following absolutely suck. When I was taking them I thought, I'll just take them at full angle and then zoom and crop... um, I found it doesn't work like that...

don't know if you can tell, but that's one of newer moves Jerome/Anna do..

as is this one.

the final pose.

!!!

if you look at their shoulder height, you can see she's much smaller than him.

TOTO AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like Dalyane looks much older here.. but in person she looked very young.

I'm sad I have no pictures of Ella.... :(
I'm dumb, I should have whipped my camera out long before.

HE'S SO HILARIOUS.

hehe

this one is another one of my favorites! I love that you have a little bit of
everything, the veiled women, Sebastien, Boum Boum and Donna in motion..

The best for last...

Vladimir.. haha

hahhaa i don't know why but it makes me laugh that i caught him in the same position.. lol.

Sergei... he's crazy..

I love this.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is when Dima finally appeared (out of nowhere) and he was like, aight guys, let's do this, flowa powa!!!

... hehe..

!!!

BAM!

Seat 10 was kinda of unfortunate for pictures here because you got a straight view of the flyers... cool seat because theyre thrown
nearly right in front of your face but not good for pictures cause you get no angle.... lol..

.... UH OH!

!!!!

!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.... seriously.... so ridiculously insane/bad ass.

and then Dima was like, aight guys, let's finish this shiz off... (hahahahaa)

!!!!!!

:)

blurry Dima.

Veronica, Dima, Sergei... (so intense).

Then Banquine was over... :(

Circus Animals... Jailton with the red ball.

Cory Sylvester, Meghan Miller, Julie Cameron, Sergei Kholodkov, Olga Pikhienko, Veronica Gravolin, Alexei Gribtsov, Dmitri Koukva

Aw.

Tony, Meghan, Alexandre Zaitsev, Dima (HAHHAA), Isabelle Vaudelle, Alexandre Pestov

HAHAHHA DIMA LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO MY CAMERA... (HE'S SO COOL).

And then the show was over... ... . . ... :(

At least I have all these pictures as memories...

Then I took more shots of the red curtain cause its so pretttttyy.

And that's basically it... I want a new camera, lol. I'm really jealous that the D300 just came out...and I just bought the D200 like what? Five months ago? You know how much ISO my camera has, at the max, 3200... which is what I took all these photos on... and you know how much ISO the D300 has??... 6400.. and do you know how much the new D3 has?? 25,000+!!! HAHAHAA. And I know you don't just base a camera on it's ISO.. but I'm just saying... that's only the beginning of the upgrades..

Anyhow.....

Quidam is, by far, the greatest, and most beautiful Cirque show ever created. There will never be another like it.

Le Rêve - 09.27, 9pm

2007-09-29T23:23:13Z

My mother is so spontaneous, I love her.

Tuesday: Your father is leaving to Peru for the weekend... Want to go to Las Vegas??!??!!! So we left Thursday afternoon, since I get off from classes at noon and we came back last night.

We stayed at Treasure Island. And it was pretty awesome when we went up to our room and found the room key opened to the Petite Suite instead of the regular room we had booked. Haha. It was so spacious, a small living area with a couch, a plasma tv and a two huge bathrooms, one with a spa tub.

Initially my first thought was Mystere!! But sadly it was dark, so we decided on Le Rêve for Thursday night.

We just about got there on time. It was 3pm and my mother was still going crazy trying to clean the house and do laundry and stuff. Anyways we were out of the house by 3:30pm.... just in time to hit bumper-to-bumper traffic, though we made up alot of time by going 110 mph down some of the empty roads through the desert.

Then it was dark and we nearly ran out of gas and my mother got soooooo scared. It was almost a little funny... "I could already see the ugly bikers raping us.." lol.

By the time we got to our room it was like 5 mins past eight and when the ticket info says the show starts at 9pm, I thought that meant the show would actually start at 9pm, meaning one should be there by 8:30 and seated by 8:45, so we rushed over there like mad women huffing and puffing (i seriously was, I am really out of shape...), my mom even got a blister, haha...

And then we only found ourselves waiting around for 15 minutes until the doors opened at 9pm... then show started at 9:30pm..

Alright so I'm kind of... mixed on the show. I'm afraid it did not do very much for me. I was expecting it to be so much better. But anyhow, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. We sat in the second row and the whole show was visually beautiful and there were tons of crazy stunts going on. The dives during Nets were pretty wild.. geez, like the final one.. omg.

I liked all the characters. Like those water creatures and the ones with the horns... they reminded me of Lord of the Rings.. haha.

The highlights of the show for me were Tree, that was seriously beautiful, I loved the whole concept and on a side note, those men and their bods were so distracting, haha. Redmen was cool and the soloist at the beginning of Splash. The synchronized swimming with the red heels, Beam of Light, Nets and that guy hanging from the bird cage-like thing while it snowed... i don't know why but i really loved that part.

And the music, I loved most of it. Some of it was too dramatic for me.. felt like I was Ka at times. haha.

Oh yeah and the clowns, they were pretty funny. I wish I'd seen the show when Claudio was still in it. I wish I'd seen the show earlier.

I never kept up with the happenings of this show but I know its undergone lots and lots of changes and... both my mother and I came out of the show trying to pinpoint what it was that felt was missing from the show. I still don't know but it definitely felt like something was missing.

All the waterfalls were turned off... /dry.. :\

I miss the old Treasure Island sign with the pirate skull, I can't stand this stupid "ti".

The next morning we went to the LOVE boutique and I bought way too much stuff but I couldn't help it. Then we came back and when we got home we watched the O documentary and it was amazing. I'm going to watch the Mystere documentary later tonight.

All in all the show was great and it was a good trip. Short and sweet.. haha.

Trujillo, Peru

2007-09-22T19:23:26Z

More Peru. After I came back from Lima, I went back again. My parents and I went to Trujillo, the Northern coast. My dad's dad was born there. It was a brief trip, we left July 31st to Lima, then Lima to Trujillo and then got back August 7th. So it was a while ago...

The reason for the trip was because my dad attended the PAMS Annual convention thing... but I want to keep this brief and I really have no time to spend days on this like I have on past posts so I'm going to... keep it short..

The last time I was there I was five years old. I remember we went during a Christmas vacation and all I did was bake miniature goods in my Easy Bake Oven with my cousin.. and yeah...

llamas roamed the hotel, it was amusing.

The first night we went to this.. welcoming event. We had cute food and the university band people sang and played for us and the national Marinera champions danced for us. It was really beautiful and I wanted to cry. They just look so happy when they were dancing..

The next morning we went to las Ruinas de Chan Chan. Ancient ruins of one of the largest civilizations to have ever inhabited Peru... It's believed a tsunami was the cause of their extinction.

I don't understand how century year old carvings/engravings like these... survive time...

Where one of the kings lies...

the mummified king...

In this same tomb, 7-10 young girl's bodies were also found. These young girls, approx 15 years of age, had long long hair with which they were each suffocated/choked with... Yes, with their own hair. They were all found with their hair wrapped around their necks. It's believe this was a voluntary sacrifice. Because it was an honor to be buried with a king...

crazy.

Constant restorations/new discoveries.

I forgot how large the kingdoms span... 20 miles square, I think? Something like that... Each time an king died, he was buried inside his kingdom and then the new king would build a new empire right next to the old one. I think there were like 7 empires.. or so far have been found.. I think.. something like that.

So then we went to the beach, at Huanchaco.

What I unfortunately didn't catch was when the same boy helping his friend up, pushed him into the water, lol..

hehe

I remember there were some Australian people looking at the paintings..

So then we went and had lunch at Sol y Luna, a restuarant right near some ruinas, La Huaca de la Luna y Huaca del Sol. We were presented with some more cultural dances and it was really beautiful. I loved it.

This one's my favorite! It's the festive dance... it looks so.. fun. Like, really fun. They move their heads all fast and stomp their feet and jump and holler and its really cute.

Then we went outside and watched some Chalanes do their thing on their pure bred horses and them they performed for us another traditional Marinera dance except with the men on their horses. It was cool.

By the way, being a Chalan is something passed down through families, of generations of fathers and sons. There aren't schools or programs where you can learn or anything, its all been passed down through family.

lol

So then we went there, to the Huaca de la Luna.

And there's still so much more to uncover..

Each family was required to make 300 bricks a day as contribution... pretty insane.. Each family had their own symbol to sort of "stamp" their bricks and such.. as seen above.. and below.

ancient "graffiti"...

.. i crack myself up.

So then after that we went back and rested for a while until the next event... which was some more dancing presentations at the hotel. It was even more beautiful and the dancers were professionals and it was amazing... so beautiful.

I got the crappiest pictures though. I was sitting in the back and I was just short enough to catch the tops of peoples heads in all my pictures so it frustrated me and I didn't take that many.

The next day my mom and I and a couple other people went to some more ruins. about an hour and a half away. The site just opened to the public last year because a few years ago they found an incredibly well preserved tattooed young girl in a tomb there. They believe she was the first female ruler...

Anyways its called "El Complejo del Brujo"... it was interesting.

naked prisoners of war.. the same depictions also found at La Huaca de la Luna.

.. and markings on bricks.

and rib..

cloth.

Senora de Cao.

.. she was found here.

in miniature!, hehe..

I can't imagine how the site will look in ten years... with the whole mountain excavated.. The majority of the archaeologists working on site are all Europeans.

CUTE!

Then we went back and my mom and I went to the markets..

Then we went to some of the lectures being given by PAMS at the university.

lol

Then we went to visit the aunt and grandma at their hotel because they had come also and we had lunch with them.

And then we went to see a circus. The "Aztec" circus, they weren't really from Mexico or anything..

Christian, he was so cute, he dad's the owner of the circus.

Then the show started and this guy came out on tissu..

Oh yeah and then of course Cirque music was used throughout the show. From Quidam to O to Mystere to Saltimbanco.

Then this girl came out.

Then this little boy came out and he stole the show.

He juggled everything, balls, rings, hats, clubs, and then clubs on fire!!

Then this girl came out on cereaux.

Then another retarded clown came out.

And then the cool juggler boy came out along with a little tiny girl AND THEY STOLE THE SHOW.

They did a bunch of dangerous things everyone just shook their heads at... total child exploitation...

She was so cute.. i forgot her name but it was also something really cute.

Then it was intermission.

And then the show resumed and there was an act with lions, which they forbid photos of, one of the people even threatened to take my camera away, LOLZ...

All the lions were very lethargic.. like they had shot them with tranquilizers or had just fed them until they were stuff. And it was sad cause the guy kept whipping them.. :( I'm guessing that's what they do though, starve them, then stuff them right before the show so they're all lazy...

Oh yeah but I took pictures anyways, I put the camera on my lap under my bag and snapped away...

And then there was another hoop act, and another dumb clown act and then Marguerite came out and it was like OMG...

Ummm... they didn't want me taking pictures of the lions yet they didn't care I took pictures of all the children doing stunts like hanging by their necks??..

So then she spun by her neck! Wtf... and the announcer man was like, "The more you clap, the faster she'll spin! She won't stop until you do!"

Seriously... that's not safe.

Then the tissu guy came out with little dogs..

And then that was it, they told me to put my camera away at curtain call when the little girls came out and I wanted to take pictures of them... because they had a imitator clown which they were marketing as the real guy seen on tv and it was really gay. Listen, I could care less about a fat peruvian clown.

But anyways, the little kids were fricken amazing.

And now some random pictures...

Poor doggy... some kind of skin disease? :(

Then the next day we went to the university to watch my dad give a lecture.

Then that night there was a farewell dinner and dance and all I did was comply to the dumb old men that kept asking me to dance and it was really pretty annoying... but at the same time kind of entertaining.

Claudia and I, I met her at the mission in 2005 and hadn't seen her since..

And then that was pretty much it.

Complejo del Brujo when it was first discovered... in like 2004? 2002?.. I forgot.

On our way back we had about 8 hrs of free time in Lima so we went and saw the Chinese Imperial Circus: Forest.

It was pretty impressive. Though I almost fell asleep during each transition of an act and some of the costumes were horrid, overall it was pretty interesting.

There was a man who made all the forest noises and whistled all the bird sounds... The show opened with a single cane handbalancing act. It was cool, then there was this insane... strange apparatus act I had never seen before, the program calls it a "Flying Bar"... then A CRAZY CONTORTION ACT, where she did the marinelli bend and it was for sure one of the most amazing things I've ever seen..

There was also chinese poles, spanish webs, diabolos, acrobatics, hoop diving, balancing on chairs, partnered tissu act, and a semi hand to hand act. It was really cool... it really was.

And so yeah.. that was pretty much the trip.

dinasaurrr @ 2007-09-21T23:54:00

2007-09-22T07:21:01Z

Took this in Peralta last month. Don't know if its still there but I thought it was funny... and also, illegal??.. haha I'm pretty sure posting something like this on a public road is prohibited.. ".. VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT"... haha, how crazy/a little scary..

I'm so behind on this journal. I have so much to update on. Weekdays I live in Long Beach now, so that's new... with the start of college and all.. I'm liking Long Beach alot more than I thought I would. I split a beautiful apartment with three beautiful roommates too.. It's super fun.. i love it. They're all so.. cool. Haha. Pictures will come soon, our complex is under going more remodeling/painting so once that's done and everything looks even better I'll take some shots and post them.

Apparently there was like a national shortage of MacBook Pros, and that's annoying because I've been waiting two weeks for it now and just yesterday they sent an email saying it was JUST BARELY shipped.. and that's on express shipping, yo. Its frustrating not having internet the whole week.. it's been irritating starting off school with no internet.. ughhhh.. but anyways,

... that's all for now. More updates soon hopefully.

Lima, Peru

2007-08-15T02:33:42Z

Okay for reals this time I'm keeping it short. And picture based.

Saturday - June 30, 2007
We arrived early morning from Ayacucho. A few people from the mission stayed with us for the day and we had breakfast at my grandma's house. She overfed us.

Then we visited Larco Mar in Miraflores. This really really nice shopping mall right on the coast of the beach where everything is overpriced. Sarah needed to buy a warmer coat for her trip to Cuzco.. though in the end, I just let her borrow mine; as everything there was Alpaca this, baby Alpaca that, priced at ~$700 and ridiculous shiz like that.

The place has some really amazing views. I would have loved to go at night but I didn't get the chance :(

We stopped for some Starbucks there and ran into two doctors from the mission. Then on our way back to my Grandma's house we ran into even more people from the mission, Paula and her family. It was such a hot spot at 9am in the morning... har har.

Then I started not feeling too great. I wanted to shower and sleep. Sarah left to the airport and I went back to my grandma's house and pretty much lay in bed all day.

Then my dad called around 6pm, saying to meet us at his aunt's house in San Borga for dinner. We ate there. I saw my cousin there. That was nice.

At night my father's snoring kept me up.

Sunday - July 1, 2007
Woke up early, our uncle was going to take us to visit some museums and such for the day.

Walked outside to the car, across the street a lady is carrying something bundled in a blanket.

TOO CUTE!!!

First we stopped by Larco Mar again to pick up Adrian there, a student from Irvine who came to the mission. He hung out with us for the day.

Then we made our way to the Huaca Pucllana archaeological site.
These ruins are right in the middle of the city. The whole city was technically covered in ruins except construction people didn't care and built houses and buildings on them... well, many didn't even realized it, as all the ruins simply looked like regular hills.. It's sad anyways.

The Lima culture is believed to have developed between 200-700 A.C., around the same time as the Wari (culture from the Andes) except the Wari eventually dominated them... and so it goes.

I can't remember much of the details right now... I'll edit this entry with more info later.

Several young female remains were found there, in the square. (Well, all over actually, as this particular section of the ruins was where all the religious ceremonies and administrative activity took place). Special girls there were raised with the mentality that they were born to be sacrificed, that was their only purpose in life. In honor of their gods and ancestors. The priests executed these ceremonies. The girls were brutally bled to death. Their bodies mutilated and cut in pieces.

I don't know why this came out with a very slight vignetting.. but I really like it.

I forgot what all the holes meant... :\
The yellow coloring on the back walls is all original. So many centuries later and the color is still so bright.

I can see why construction companies didn't notice it...

Excavated.

Then we saw these cool dogs!!

They were wild.

Our tour guide informed us they were the Incan dogs, the dogs the Incas had as pets all those centuries ago. I told her that was really cool. She said they are very very hot blooded, and that's the reason they have no hair, because they're so warm they need to cool off all the time. She said the Incas used these dogs to sleep with in the winters and such.. they're bare skin was great for keeping them warm all night and the fact that they had no odor was a plus.

More animales...

Haha, this makes me laugh. It just looks so.. lame...

Peru's specialties..

Then we were shown a bunch of trees and plants..

Mannequins depicting how the building bricks were made.

Religious demonstration; with a fish painted on the pottery.

He clearly had arthritis.. poor baby..

Chinese Immigrant tombs.

They live there.. freely roam all over the ruins.

I was pretty impressed by this as it's not a macro lens.

Which makes me even more excited about getting a macro lens as I can't even imagine its capabilities..

Then we drove south for almost an hour, near Villa del Salvador, through knee high mud, to another Archaeological site called, Pachacamac.

OMG my dad and I could not stop laughing at the shirt. Poor thing.

So in order to wander the place with a tour guide, the ticket office informed us of a two hour wait so we were like UM ANYWAYS, and we decided on a self-guided tour of the site.

The place is pretty new, the first excavations barely began in 2003.

The Pachacamac were... pre-Inca.. wayyyy before the Inca, I believe.. They were B.C. for sure..

So we walked around the place, must have been like a good 2 miles at least.

Temple of the Ishmay culture (after Pachacamac), they were from 1100-1500 B.C.. and eventually joined the Incan empire.. I think..

Ruins and the city built atop it..

Then we walked up a huge hill, to the Templo del Sol... I was huffing and puffing.. but it was worth it for the view..

Then we left...

Made a brief stop by the cemetery, Jardines de La Paz..

Then we went to San Borga again to visit some family friends. They took us to eat dinner at a buffet place.

Then we went to the downtown area and I took pictures.

It was nice there and all but it was seriously like a lover's plaza or something, couples on every bench making out and cuddling, I was like Ughhhhh, get out of here. Seriously. That's what El Parque del Amor is for..

where the president lives.

where the mayor lives.

All my pictures came out either over/underexposed and it was really annoying.

Lima Cathedral.

Then there was this bus going 'round and 'round the plaza advertising a trip up to el Cerro de San Cristobal so we decided to take it, as there was nothing else for us to do.

Going up the mountain was really scary. It seriously made me a tiny bit nervous. I thought our bus was finally going to be THE bus that falls off the cliff and causes this tour to shut down. It was just so crazy... the bus came THIS close to the bare edges at times and it was really not that cool.. and then going through the tiny pueblo where the bus barely fit through the steep streets and there were drunkards all around telling the bus to get out of there.. lol..

Once we got up there, it was all fog. You couldn't see the city below but I liked it. It was sprinkling up there and cold.

The cross...

After the tour was over. We went home and a few hours later we left to Iquitos... And so it goes..

So fast forward to our return from the Amazon.

Thursday - July 5th, 2007
We arrived back in Lima pretty late. We were greeted by my aunt and grandma... and an energetic Sarah. Hahhhaaha. ..I like your sweater! Thanks your aunt let me borrow it. Haha.

Anyways they had brought us the rest of our luggage and we stayed at the airport, as our flight was leaving in like 4 hours or so, at 1am.

We had McDonald's ice cream.

Then it was time to go to the boarding gate. We said our goodbyes and went through to the boarding gates.

As the boarding process began, they announced on the loudspeaker if there were any passengers with flexible dates, who could stay an extra night in Lima, as they had overbooked the flight. They continued with an, You will receive an $800 travel voucher with us and transportation from and back to the airport and hotel for the night. So based on my prior experience with staying a night on Lan, I thought.. I certainly wouldn't mind staying at the Sheraton.. So I was like... Me!..

So my dad left with all my luggage, and I stayed. They took forever getting all the stuff done. By the time I got the hotel, it was near 3am. I tried calling my aunt's house to let them know I had stayed but the line was busy all night and I was like wtf, it's 3am! I later found out my aunt was on the phone .. all night??... I was like wtf..

Friday - July 6, 2007
Anyways, after sleeping for like 4 hours, my aunt decided to call me at 8am... I was like Oh hey.. you woke me up. Thanks. Not.

She let me know she and Sarah would come by to pick me up at 9:30am. I was like okay.. so much for sleeping in. I took a quick shower and changed into the same clothes I was wearing. Luckily I had new underwear as I was still carrying clothes from Iquitos in my backpack.

I looked out the window and there was a protest going on outside.

I went down to the lobby so I could take advantage of the free breakfast. It was suppppper nice. Buffet style. They had everything you could think of. I ate of bunch of tunas and some french toast and pancakes.

And the nice waiter kept reading my mind. What would you like to drink? Some tea? And then as I was getting up from my chair for syrup, he said, Here, I brought you some syrup for your hot cakes.

Then when I went for a second helping of fruit, I was literally five steps away from my table but the waiter grabbed my plate out of my hand and said, Please, allow me! Hahahahha, I was like, I guess... Thank you. Hahahha.

It was perfect.

So then it was 9:30am and nothing.. then 9:45.. then 10am.. I thought.. Okay they must just be running a little late..

Then more time went by and I started getting impatient. I called a few times and no answer. Soon it was EFFFIN' NOON.

The same waiter I had at breakfast asked me if I had any plans for the day and I told him I was suppose to meet my family 2 hours ago but they hadn't come and he said, Well it's a shame I'm working, if I had the time off I'd take you out around the city. I was like... LOL...

When they finally showed up I wasn't in the mood. I had sat around and waited for them for over two hours.

I wanted to go to Larco Mar to buy a bag I had seen the week before but I thought we would go later instead, maybe in the evening so I could get pictures of the coast lit up all pretty so instead we went to the the San Francisco Cathedral. I had already been there several times but it's always a cool place to go and I thought Sarah would really enjoy it.

me and my aunt

HAHAHAHA. I love this.

We took the tour inside, i didn't take many pictures because it was "prohibited"... though I know I've taken pictures inside past years... So it doesn't really matter as most of these will be repeat photos.

Here are some I sneaked.

... a diablo at the last supper..

Catacombs.

the cool one.

Then we went shopping, and my aunt did a lot of bargaining for us. I bought booklets, cool pants and a mug. Sarah went wild.

Then we walked to the city center again, which was nearby.

The balconies are so gorgeous.

All the streets into the plaza were blocked to traffic that day because of the strike, they didn't want protesters or cars getting near the president's place..

Then Sarah wanted to take pictures with the guards.. we took many many and then more... she kept getting the cute gaurds are her side though so that's why it was probably more fun for her.. haha, notice the young man next to her with his arm around her and notice the old man next to me... hahahahha.

Then we walked around some more... Then ate.

After we ate we really had no where to go so we decided to make our way to Larco Mar already and just spend the rest of the day there. I had to be at the airport by 9pm, an airport taxi was going to be picking me up.

However on the way to Larco Mar I started feeling really car sick. Which made me nervous. So we got off. I started getting really really nervous. The way I did in Iquitos, nauseousness and chest pains, and I wanted to cry.

We asked for a nearby pharmacy so we could buy Valium (you don't need a prescription in order to buy anything there... It's crazy...).

After almost like an hour we got to one, people in Peru seriously have no sense of direction. So then when we got to the pharmacy they didn't have the Valium brand so they gave us Diazepam. It's the same thing, just different name.

I was so nauseous I couldn't even stand the pill in my mouth though... so then I started panicking and freaking out. We persuaded some baby clinic to let me use their bathroom and I just stood in there crying and panicking.

After about half an hour i managed it down and they shortly kicked us out. After about half an hour more it took effect and it was sooooooo strange. I couldn't even stand up straight. It felt like ten times stronger than the Valium I'd taken before. I got sooooooo drowsy. It was dreamlike and fuzzy and all the carlights sparkled.

Once I started feeling well enough to get in a car, we went back to the Sheraton, as it was nearing time for me to go.

Back at the hotel I felt much better. Everything was gone, I was calm. Sarah packed up all my stuff for me. And then it was time to go.

I felt bad I had ruined basically half their day.

We took last minute pictures in the lobby.

haha

The airport taxi never came so we took a hotel taxi and it was super nice. Lan reimbursed me the twenty dollar taxi cost once I got there.

Haha, Sarah is so hilarious. She kept wanting me to change my flight again and stay another night but at that point I really kind of wanted to go home.. be in my own bed and everything.

She's so funny though. She works as a travel nurse and she came to Peru the June 22nd for the mission with us, after the mission she ended up wanting to stay longer and went to Cuzco with Fred. After she came back from there she wanted to stay even longer in Lima, hahaha her one week Peru trip turned into three weeks, lol. I'm so glad she was there for me that day.

So then after waiting a long time, it was finally time for me to head to the boarding gates. I said goodbye to my aunt and Sarah. I thank them and then I was gone..

At the boarding gate I realized my iPod was dead. I thought Nooooo how am I going to make it through 8hrs without any music???!?! My charger had been left in my luggage that my dad had taken with him the night before.
Then I saw a young Japanese couple, they both had iPods so I thought I would take my chances and ask them if they had their charger with them and they did and they were kind enough to let me borrow it.

Then the next problem was finding an outlet that fit. My first thought was to check the restrooms outlets, so I go there and THE FIRST PERSON I SEE IS MILENA!!!!!! And we're both like OMG What are you doing here???! Hahahaha. I told her I had stayed, she told me she was on the midnight flight. I was on the 1am flight. It was really nice seeing her.

The plug didn't fit so then I went to check at one of the airport stores. Turned out one of the stores had a mini iPod shop. They let me charge it there.

After 45 mins, it was good enough and then time was nearing for me to board.

I took 5mg of Diazepam to relax a bit and then about 15 mins later I thought.. Should I take Dramamine too??.. I thought about the mixture.. and I remembered I had taken some within half an hour of each other in Iquitos so I thought, It should be okay..

But just to be safe I only took one tablet of Dramamine.

HAHAHAHA BAD IDEA.

I was fine at first. I got in line to board, the same cute guy from the night before checked my passport and then I got on the plane.

It was again, a mess. There was already someone in my seat and it turned out there were about 7 other people with repeated seat numbers. I don't know how it was all fixed but I remember they moved the young girl from my seat and let me sit in my original window seat.

Okay and then this is when my memory begins to fade. Lol.
I remember the plane speeding down the runaway about to take off, I was looking out the window so I could see the city lit up.

But I never saw the city. The next thing I remember is waking up, I look out the window and I wonder where all the city lights are. Then I realized take-off had long been and I had fallen asleep or something. But I was so drowsy, I couldn't stay awake and fell back asleep within seconds.

The next thing I remember is looking out the window and seeing a red, red sky. The reddest sky I'd ever seen in my entire life. I wanted to take a picture but I couldn't stay awake enough to get my camera out of my backpack. My eyes wouldn't stay open, so I closed them...

More time later I woke up and I was finally able to stay awake. I found there was only a hour and 40 minutes left of the flight! Hahahahha. I had passed out for over six hours. Awesome.

Saturday - July 7, 2007
When my plane arrived, my mom and dad were there. My dad was really happy to see me, lol.

My mom told me how when my dad had arrived the day before and told her I had stayed, she thought he was kidding or playing a joke on her, haha.

So I went home, finally home, and spent the rest of the week sick with fever and a sore throat.

Okay and that is pretty much it.
Lima is a cool city. Did I mention how clean it was this time? It was. It has really progressed over the years it's just getting better.

People say, You can dig anywhere in Lima, and you'll find a relic. A piece of history. I used to hate staying there whenever I went but now that I'm older I realize how much there is to see there and do. The entire city was built on ruins, the entire city is like an archaeological site. Its cool.

Iquitos, Peru (2/2)

2007-08-12T07:46:23Z

Thursday - July 5, 2007
I woke up around 1am... feeling.. nauseous.. anxiety. So much for one good night of sleep. It was as if I woke up because I was subconsciously thinking about the boat ride I was going to have to take back in the morning.. Ughhhh.

I was up all night. I couldn't sleep... I felt bad for my dad.. he was in and out of sleep checking on me..
My dad's wake up call came at 5:30am and I still hadn't slept. He left to go bird watching, as they went on a motorboat across to the other side.. everything there is done by motorboat.

I think I fell asleep around 7am and two hours later my dad was back with some breakfast for me. How could I eat though, I was so nervous..

He left shortly, the group was going to Monkey Island, an island that takes in monkeys. Abandoned ones, abused ones, babies... I don't know... whichever ones come, haha.

Meanwhile I packed all my stuff up.
My dad and Milena came back a little after noon, in time for lunch. They came back really excited, said it had been a hilarious time.

And this is also when everything changed. My dad said he was speaking with Charles, one of the guys who had been part of the group all along, and I really don't know how the topic came up, I guess my dad asked him what he worked in and he said he was a pharmaceutical representative and I guess my dad told him about me and my nerves and everything and that lead to Charles explaining he gets panic attacks on planes and that he took Valium for it... And then I don't know but he was nice enough to give some to my dad so I could try it out.

Omg, I was so happy... I cannot tell you. It was like all my hope had been restored. Hahaha, I had never taken Valium orally but.... Just thinking it could have the potential to help me, and knowing it was what Charles took for panic attacks on planes, I thought That is like the same problem I have, THIS IS WHAT I NEED.

My dad told me to take half a dose first, so we could see if it had any negative effects on me. It didn't. A few minutes after I took it I just started to feel a little bit sleepy.. sleepy but really relaxed... so relaxed, I wanted to dance, hahahahaha. And feeling so relaxed made me happy because I didn't feel any nervousness AT ALL. It was great.

The effect passed very quickly though. I was like Heyyyyyy... I must need more...

My dad took a quick shower and we went to lunch. I felt okay... walking there.. compared to every previous day that I always felt anxiety coming on..

Some pictures...

Our lodge. 904 whooo!

On the way to the main lodge/lobby/bar/gift shop/dining hall. (it's all under the same roof, ha).

I wasn't feeling nervous, pretty calm actually... but I didn't want to eat anyways for fears I would get motion sick on the boat and that would just make matters worse. So I refrained from eating... except for some dessert, haha. I saw Charles there too and endlessly thanked him.. I was like AHHHH YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!!

Oh yeah so during the lunch my dad and Milena were still crazy about the visit to Monkey Island. They had had so much fun. Apparently there was this one monkey, Andres, that really took a liking to my dad, hahaha and wouldn't leave him alone. He said he took his glasses from him! Lol, but my dad grabbed him from the tail and from then on the monkey thought my dad playful. Hahaha, and that when my dad held another baby monkey or any other monkey, Andres would get jealous and mad. And that when they went inside one of the huts, Andres kept looking in through the window, trying to get in to play with my dad... lol. I was sad I didn't get any pictures of this, it sounded so awesome.

So then Abelardo came by to let us know to be at the dock soon, the boat was to leave by 2:30pm, it would be a 50 minute ride upstream, as we would be taking a motorboat.. not the ship we had come on.

Then I started getting nervous with chest pains and anxiety... I took another half dose... and then an hour later, the time was coming closer and closer and soon my dad and I were walking down the stairs to the deck. I took a 5 mg dose of Valium so I wasn't feeling nervous exactly... just shaky and some butterflies... but not sickly nervous like usual, so I was at least glad for that.

As we got closer and closer I thought Omg... omg.. the time has come. I have to get on this boat.. I have to get on it and stay on it. I'm not going to be able to ask to get off it like last time... I'm going to be stuck there. If I faint from nervousness... I will wake up still on the boat... that thought was terrifying..

When I stepped onto the boat, I felt panic.. however, it was like a dull panic.. I believe that was probably the Valium working, blocking all those nervous chemical agents.. but I still had a minor breakdown and the tears came just like they had before..

But then.. as I sat there waiting for the rest to get on... and the boat began to move away from the dock... I stopped crying. I don't know.. all of a sudden, it wasn't terrifying anymore. Like i had finally realized there was nothing to it, and I wasn't... scared anymore or something. I felt fine. I even took my camera out and took a picture.

Once the boat got moving there wasn't too much motion... and once I dried all my tears, I looked at my dad and told him, It's really not that bad... Now I feel stupid.. And then I wanted to cry again. Not because of the dread though. I just felt so stupid. Here I was on the boat, now. And I was perfectly fine...

I had missed out on so much though. Things I would have loved to do.. things many people only dream of doing. My experience in the Amazon was nothing like I had imagined it would be. I was sad to be leaving. Angry at myself. I wanted to apologize to my dad... all those sleep deprived nights I caused him.. all the worry... all the money he spent on me.. The whole time trying to make me feel better.. trying to arrange this, arrange that for me, only so I didn't feel like I missed out on everything.

In the end the ride was actually pretty fun, I thought. We were going so fast.. wind in your hair and everything. And despite the water being brown, the bright sun shining down on it made it look so pretty.

I remember we passed by a tiny patch of island with children splashing in the water, excited to wave at us.

I thought 50 minutes would be en eternity but just as I began to feel slightly motion sick, we had already arrived to the city. It was perfect timing.

We were driven to the airport in the cool wooden Explorama bus. I wore my big sunglasses and the locals thought I was really cool.

When we got to the airport we all checked-in and then we had a bit a free time until the boarding terminal opened. We all bought stuff at the gift shops. I bought two shirts and a hand painted bag with an Iquitos sunset.

Then it was time to go, we took a group picture.

The tour group... plus me added in. I wouldn't considered me part of the group as I can't even tell you anyone's name, and I barely even participated so...
My dad, Abelardo, Milena and me. The rest of the people are one big family that reunited and took a big vacation together, they're next stop was Chicago to visit more family.. how fun. Half of them were from London, and the second lady in white from the left, she was the lady that said she lived near Nohl Ranch (seriously, we live in a small world). And the guy behind me is my valium hero Charles! God Bless you Charles.

We must have said goodbye to Abelardo like five times, hahaa. Everytime we thought it was time to go, false alarm. But it was okay, as that only meant I got to hug him like five times, haha and thank him. I felt silly, having a crush on this Amazon boy... man. It was just so amazing how he knew so much about everything. Every sound, smell and sight. Sure, given that he literally grew up in the rainforest... But still, it's astounding.. I guess because it's so different from my world.

Then the plane ended up getting delayed over an hour.

Once at the airport I felt like myself again, totally fine, no nerves or anything. Milena even told me how different and how much more like me I was now. I wasn't even nervous about flying! I only felt happy to have somewhat conquered the boat ride, if you will... and sad... because I found myself wanting to stay. I wanted to go back to the lodges and redo the past days, do everything I hadn't done...

At that moment I just kept thinking in my head, I can't wait to come back..

When the final goodbye came, I thanked Abelardo one last time. And then Milena told him he would see me next year, hahaha and I confessed it was true. If not next year, the year after. I don't think he thought I was serious... BUT I TOTALLY AM.

He shall see... We shall see..

I want to go back so bad. Seriously.. albeit everything. Despite all the horrible experiences... all the emotional anxiety; I loved being there. I don't know what it is.. it's just so perfect there. Such a different world. A curiously alluring world.

But I'm sad. I remember speaking to Milena about this and I nearly came to tears.
From the day my dad first told me we'd be visiting the Amazon, I imagined this trip so differently. I pictured all the amazing photos I was going to take. I thought of all the awesome animals I was going to see... all the exotic insects I was going to be disgusted by.. all the great things I was going to do. But I never thought this trip would turn into the nightmare it did.

It was so frustrating for me. Physically being there, with the entire Amazonia outside my door, everything I could think to do and see within reach, yet.. suffering inexplicable panics at mere thoughts of it. My nerves on a constant edge of insanity.

I feel I must redeem myself... (ha). I want to go back and not come short of anything. I want to walk the highest level of the canopy walkway, I want to explore Monkey Island and play with Andres. I want to admire all the species of birds of the rainforest, and walk on giant lily pads. I want to stay a night in the heart of the Peruvian Amazon, I want to visit the tribes, be painted in red mosquito repellent and get a cool tattoo; I want to learn about the way they live, speak with the elders, play with the children and pet their pet anteaters. I want to see the infamous pink dolphins. I want to fish for piranhas, catch one and eat it. I want to.. perhaps.. sing a song with the tour guides at the bar one night?? Hahaha, just kidding..

I want to do everything I didn't do, and more.

And I can't describe what an amazing place it is. Perfection. It really is. Everyone is so nice and welcoming. They live only in the present and enjoy those little moments of life. I'll never forget the kindness of the people of the Amazon. And the music in the evenings... mesmeric. Everything is beautiful, wonderful. Peaceful. A paradise.

And I don't think I mentioned this, but the weather during our summer (their winter) is perfect. Warm, but not excessively hot or humid, at all. Seriously, it did wonders for my skin. And the mosquitoes are tolerable during the season.

I can't wait to be there again... (I think..) ...

Iquitos, Peru (1/2)

2007-08-08T04:52:28Z

Buenas noches, amigos... I got back from Peru again the 6th.. I went to Trujillo this time... it was cool. It was cold. A little boring but overall I'm glad I went. I will update later on that trip though. I'm so behind on this journal... so let's back track a bit and rewind to a month ago.

First off, there are not many pictures from this trip, sadly. I took less than a hundred, which is unusual for me... and most aren't even worth posting. So this post will be mainly be text.

Sunday - July 1st, 2007
After the mission my dad and I stayed in Lima for two days and visited cool ruins and whatnot but those pictures will be for another post.

So as the night approached thoughts about flying the next morning forced themselves into my brain and I started to get a really bad headache. That is the first sign of my anxiety. Or a more recent symptom I noticed. So immediately I took some Tylenol and a Paxil in hopes my nerves wouldn't get to their peak. I still began getting nervous about the flight though.

I feel so stupid. I hate myself. I wish this didn't happen. And it comes so suddenly. One second I'm fine and then the next I get this overwhelming feeling of nerves that over fills my stomach with water and I want to vomit I get so nauseous and I get so anxious and it sucks, because I tell myself to calm the shit down because there is absolutely nothing to worry about and I know it so well but my mind won't listen and my body releases all those nervous chemicals anyways and I just end up feeling worse and worse and I get so nervous and nervous and nervous and scared and more nervous and nauseous... and about what? Nothing. Because everything always turns out fine. Its so frustrating.

Monday - July 2, 2007
So... our flight was scheduled to leave at 5:20am. My father insisted we leave to the airport at 2:15am.. we had gotten to the house around 10pm and I was so tired and sleepy and I thought, But I gotta get a good shower before going to the Amazon, who knows what showers will be like over there. So I went to take a shower but then my aunt told me she hadn't turned the hot water key on so that it would take around 2 hours for the water to heat up. I was like WHAT??!?!?!? I think showers are the only things I really miss when I go to Peru... there is no place like your home shower where you can have the perfect pressure out your shower head and hot water anytime you want. People take that for granted here.

I was so sleepy... so I asked my aunt to please wake me up in two hours so I could take a shower and that would wake me up and I could be awake enough to pack for the trip... And so I fell asleep. I didn't even brush my teeth or wash my dirty face or change my clothes, i just plopped down and slept.

Then the next thing I know the room is all bright and my dad is like Wake up, the taxi is outside waiting. I thought UM THANKS FOR WAKING ME UP, SO MUCH FOR SHOWERING, OR PACKING. NOW I GOTTA LEAVE ALL FILTHY. It was irritating.

I grabbed the basics: toothbrush, extra underwear, a jeans, a cargo pants, socks, the camera and it's charger and we were out the door.

We got the airport and I realized I hadn't packed any face wash. I bought some at the airport.

Once we got through the boarding gate, we found we were the first ones there... we were there by like 3:30am... haha.. so early for a domestic flight... domestic flight, that is, in Peru.

I saw the plane though and it was a big relief seeing it wasn't a tiny plane or anything. Which is what I was afraid of, as the only way to actually get to Iquitos is by plane and since there are only two/three flights a day and not that many people go there as its in the middle of nowhere (well, the rainforest), there was a possibility it would be a small plane. But it wasn't and it was a relief.

We waited, Milena came about an hour later. We boarded, I got nervous. The plane took off. I got more nervous. I was tired and sleepy but everytime I began to doze off and the muscles in my esophagus relaxed I'd feel a surge of nervous vomit coming up. It was so disgusting. But I didn't vomit. I was too scared. At least the flight was only like an hour and a little more... so not too bad. I couldn't wait to get on the ground.

Out the window I could see the Amazon river and all it's curves and I thought, Wow... it's the Amazon River.

And it reminded me of the time I was on the train to Machu Picchu three years ago and the tracks ran along a river and someone said it was a river that lead and joined with the Amazon river, and I wondered how interesting that was... and how everything in this world is connected to everything.. ha.

There were people on the mission who had visited Iquitos the year before and they all told me how humid and thick the air was. And how the second I got off the plane and took in my first breath, it was going to be overwhelming and insane. But when I got off the plane and took a deep breath... it really wasn't that humid.. at all.. Or at least I didn't think so. It actually felt kind of nice... perfect for the skin..

I was so glad to be off the plane. I immediately felt fine. Back to normal. No nerves or anything. I was only excited to get to our destination and start seeing cool and exclusive Amazonian sights I wouldn't see anywhere else in the world.

Haha, the airport was so funny. It was so tiny. It only has one terminal for arrivals and one terminal for departures (well, two actually but they might as well be one). Hahaha and the roof made me laugh, it was like.. open-aired and there were birds flying around inside and it made me laugh.

We walked toward where all the tourist company peoples come to pick up their tourists and we saw Milena x3 on a sign and that is where we found Abelardo. Our future tour guide for the trip, we didn't know it yet, at the time. He put little green ribbons on our bags for identification.

It's funny because before going, Ameer, one of the kids from the mission, who went to Iquitos with his family and everyone the year before, when he found out we had book our travel with Explorama, he had told us how cool he was and tell him he and his dad send salutations if we saw him, because he was soooooo cool. He said he was the coolest person and tour guide and everything. So it was funny that the first person we met there was the actual Abelardo. My dad immediately was like, Abelardo??... Oh!! Do you know Dr. Khan??! Hahaha he didn't remember though.

After gathering up all the people who were also booked with the company, we were loaded on a cool, safari looking wooden bus.... which we were then removed from and moved to a regular mini van.. in order for some other people to ride it... I was like Oh.. Okay.... .. .... .. .

On the mini van our ride through the actual city of Iquitos began. They gave us ice cold water bottles. Which was nice.

It was exciting. Riding through the city. One of the other company tour guides spoke to us about the history of Iquitos and everything... I think that guide's name was Peter. Very briefly he announced who everyone's assigned tour guide was going to be, ours turned out to be Abelardo. What a coincidence.

Haha... at first I always kept wanting to say Alaberto and it would slip out and I'd like Uhh, I mean... Aaaa.. Abelardo.. hahaaha. It's not a difficult name to say now but at first it was a little confusing. Alaberto, Abelardo. Hahahha..

Anyways, Peter began by speaking about the people of the city. It was hard to hear him, with the noise of the city and all but here is what I remember... which isn't much. First, he told us that most likely we would notice how friendly and nice everyone in Iquitos is. Which is so true. It's so wonderful. It really is. It's beautiful. Everyone waves at you with a smile as you pass them by. At stoplights, your traffic neighbors would give you a welcoming smile. He said the locals love foreigners, they love seeing people with big sunglasses and cameras and and even more if you take their picture.

Iquitos was the only part of Peru not affected by the terrorisms of the 1970s. Why? Because the guerillas were never able to get there. Why? It's pure rainforest. There is no way to get there by land. Only by air, which the terrorists couldn't do, or by boat but that would take too long. It's so remote, and it's because of this that the people there have never had to fear; to have that hostile mentality, that another human being can hurt and kill another human being in a brutal way as war.

Ayacucho, and especially Lima, people there are so... cold. They don't look at you, they don't smile at you, they don't necessarily welcome you. You have to be careful with your belongings all the time. In Iquitos it was the complete opposite. People there live day by day. It seriously did feel like everyone there is everyone's friend.

... and on the way back I also saw a 'California Mini-Mart'... haha

I had no idea Iquitos was an actual city city... when I imagined going there, images of nothing but jungle and huts floating on water entered my mind. But no, there is an actual city there with a school, a college, churches, tons of markets, even a Kodak center. People there ride motorbikes and buses and bikes and moto-cholos, haha.

So then we arrived at the dock. I had had no idea we were going to be traveling downstream on a boat. I just assumed we were going to get to our lodges by like... car or something, haha. I thought it was going to be a long ride straight through the jungle and it was going to be really cool. But anyways, the boat was a big one, the Queen Amazonia, so it didn't initally make me nervous. The last time I'd been on a boat was Budapest and I only slightly got motion sick so I didn't think this ride was going to be a problem.

But I was very wrong.

Before getting on the ship, they had us make photo copies of our passports and so we did that and then walked out and onto the ship. Abelardo suggested the right side of the top deck so we could get the best view of all the scenery.

It wasn't until then... that I could feel the ship swaying, ever so slightly but nonetheless, then I began to get nervous about the ride downstream. Abelardo told us it would be about an hour and a half. That made me more nervous. A few minutes later he then informed us we wouldn't be departing for another hour or so because we were going to wait for the people arriving on another flight to catch up with us, so that we could just hang on the ship until then.

I was like, Are you kidding me??.. So we took the 5am flight for nothing. And now you want me to sit on this ship for an hour and practically just wait until I get sick??? It was irritating and it pissed me off and I was like Well then I need to get off this ship right now otherwise I'm going to get sick. It made me even more nervous. But I took Dramamine and prevacid and tried to calm down.. I wanted to get off but I began to feel stupid as everyone was like, I can't feel the ship moving at all, blah blah, it's not moving, There's no motion, blah blah. So I thought maybe I was overreacting or something and felt stupid so I stayed and tried to keep my mind off it. In that hour I didn't feel sick so I began to have hope for the actual ride.

But, of course I was wrong.
More tourists arrived and then they told us to cover our ears when they blew the horn and we were off... on the Amazonian river... right?? I think I'm not sure because as we got going downstream Abelardo explained to us about the scenery and everything and then he showed us where one river meets with the Amazon river so I'm not sure which one we were on to begin with... (if anyone knows, please tell me).

This is where the two rivers meet (the Amazon and the something else), turning the river water black.

The Abelardo told us some more history and about the pink dolphins!... the only ones in the world. I had no idea pink dolphins existed but apparently they do! And the Amazon is the only place you can see them. Anyways, he told us to look out for them because sometimes they'll pop out near the ship. I never saw any :(

The ride started off fine. People on passing boats waved at you and people from the shore waved at you all happy. It was so cute. Abelardo told us all this information and everything but then I started feeling... a regurgitation of bile or something coming up in my esophagus. I didn't feel nauseous or dizzy or anything at all, but it was like whatever was coming up, was going to come up no matter what.

But then that just made me nervous and worry took over. I was mad at myself because I was missing out on hearing about everything Abelardo was explaining. I tried listening to music to distract me. Didn't work. I got dizzy. And I felt like such a bitch, because I felt I was being very rude to Abelardo... putting my headphones on in the middle of his speech and completely ignoring all the words he was saying. He must have thought I was such a priss or something. That I didn't care. I hoped he wasn't getting the wrong impression of me... because I was probably the most interested person on that ship. But I couldn't help it, my mind was somewhere else, on the verge of panic.

Then I started getting really gross so I went down to the bottom deck and looked for bathrooms, I felt like I was going to vomit or pass out and then i opened the door of what I thought was the bathroom but it wasn't and I began to panic more. A lady looked concerned and asked me if I was okay. I could barely mutter a Bathroom?.. She pointed to the back of ship and I nearly lost it right in her face.

I ran to the bathroom, it was embarrassing as all the crew was near and saw me and I felt stupid. In the bathroom I washed my face and instead of vomiting, I panicked and cried and cried. I didn't know where to vomit, sink or toilet? I decided sink but I couldn't. I was too scared and so nervous... I don't know... I feel stupid writing this but anyways, after I alot of crying and some more crying... i began to feel better... And I was like Wtf... I felt fine. It was weird. I thought, Was crying like a baby all I needed to do?? How is it that crying got rid of all the nausea I was feeling and nerves? Perhaps because it helped release some of the anxiety.

Back outside I stared out at the scenery, trying to distract myself. It was so pretty. Jungle, jungle, pure rain forest.

I went back to the top deck to tell my dad I was going to stay on the bottom deck by the bathrooms because I felt better there. Then I went back down and stood by the railing, looking out. I remember seeing Abelardo on the other side of boat looking at me and for some reason that imagine always sticks in my mind.

After another whiff of nausea and a minor breakdown in the restroom again, Milena came down to see how I was and to let me know we were almost there. She is so nice. Then we were about to get there and Milena came back down to tell me Abelardo wanted everyone from the group together and blah blah and that made me nervous. Reluctantly I went and as soon as I got up there I was like Omg everyone get out of the way, it's coming up. I lean over the railing of the ship but nothing came up. I was so dizzy and looking down two stories to the black water I thought how disgusting my vomit was going to mix it with it. But nothing came up and I wanted to cry because I didn't like feeling so nervous and nauseous like I was continuing to feel.

I wanted to be the first one off the fricken ship. But Abelardo wanted to get off as a group so that meant waiting for some of the other people... Milena was like, No no she needs to get off now. And Abelardo was like Bueno.... I felt bad, I knew I was being an inconvenience. I could tell by his apathetic face.

It was such a huge relief getting off the ship that I immediately felt better. I was like YESSS I MADE IT. THANK YOU LORD. I felt so perfectly fine that I even began to feel kind of like an idiot... Anyhow, walking up the stairs from the dock were painted steps in white showing the water levels of the rive from each year in May (when the water level gets highest) since 2000... each year its getting higher and higher... and higher... Oh global warming.

Oh yeah I forgot, flashback to the mini-van when one of the guides was informing us about the tour. He told us about the owner of company, Peter. He is an old man from, I forgot... somewhere in Europe. Anyways, he came to Iquitos like 50 years ago and loved it so much he never went back home. He stayed there and started the Explorama company. It's amazing.. it really is... so so so amazing. If you ever go to Iquitos, I would recommend booking your travel through Explorama. It's incredible. Oh yeah, okay so on the mini-van the guide told us about Peter and how he would be greeting us when we got off and how he would always the one behind the buffet table every night and yeah...

So walking up the stairs from the dock was Peter, he is very old. He must be in his late 70s or something. Well anyways, as he was greeting everyone, he saw my shirt and said to me, "Cirque du Soleil! the Beatles! LOVE!"... but for some reason this did not register in my head until about 15 seconds later... I had unintentionally ignored his awesome comment. When I got to the top of the stairs I thought in my head, Did he just Cirque du Soleil? The Beatles? Love??...

I was pissing myself off because people were getting the wrong impression of me. I'm not mean... but how rude must I have come off with sunglasses on and a cap covering my face and then I ignore the owner and don't even say hi. Ughhhh... but that is not me.. I didn't mean to.. my mind was just preoccupied elsewhere.

I thought to myself, I'll catch him later and apologize... and I wondered if he had seen the show maybe or something. I never talked to him though... I was too embarrassed.

I was I wasn't the way I am.

Once we got to the main lodge, with the lobby and bar and dining hall... it's so beautiful.. all rainforesty looking, haha. Everything made of wood and bamboo. .. it's so nice.. ugh, it's perfect. I'm sad I was gay and never took a picture of the lodge..

So once we got to the main lodge we were greeted by some people of the staff and with complimentary mango/pineapple juice or something. I didn't have any because I was scared of the acid of the pineapple making my stomach worse but Omg it looked delicious... it looked amazing.. this perfect glass of perfect looking natural juice you know they had just made specially for you upon your arrival...

I sat down in a chair and one of the staff members started explaining something to everyone but I don't know what he said because I was too busy wondering why I was starting to feel sick again. I kept thinking What the hell, I'm off the boat.. WHY IS THIS CONTINUING TO HAPPEN??!!

My nerves started to kick back in. And I felt worse. The room keys were going to be handed out to everyone after whatever was being explained was done but Abelardo came and brought us the keys to our rooms before anyone else and said In case you want to go to your rooms now... I thought that was so nice and considerate of him..

So we went to our rooms. They were nice. Air conditioning and ceiling fan, nice shower, like a five star hotel except looking at it from outside it's a cute lodge. I thought I would room with Milena.

When we got to the room I was still feeling very nauseous. Like I was still on the boat. I felt miserable. And pathetic. I cried alot. Nothing I took was working. And the anxiety and nervousness wouldn't go away. It was so tormenting for me... feeling like that... . Milena was so nice... she helped take care of me and didn't care if I vomited in front of her. She brought me wet towels to put on my forehead and neck. She offered to do anything she could to help me feel better.. I owe you Milena..

After about an hour and a half of agonizing episodes, I felt better. Milena and my dad went to lunch and I stayed in the room... then I somehow managed to calm to the reflux and fall asleep.

I woke up about an hour later and then my dad and Milena were back. They brought me some food in case... I was feeling much better and ate some bread and lentils.

The first activity of the tour was going to be a hike for the day. I didn't go though... I didn't feel I could.. I probably could have actually but I don't know, I was scared.. so I stayed.. something I immediately regretted because I imagined all I was missing out on... ugh. My dad offered to stay with me but I didn't want him to miss out too just because of me so of course I was like Please go! I was feeling guilty enough as it was. So they went on the hike. I rested and pondered and felt stupid.

About an hour and a half later my dad and Milena came back, a little unenthusiastic. They said every time anyone would see something they'd be all loud and all like OMG!!! And of course the animal would get scared away. They said the group was so noisy it was impossible to have seen anything....

After that I took a shower and then it was time for dinner. My social anxiety began to emerge and I was feeling so nervous... I didn't want to go.. I don't know why my nerves were so out of control on this trip.

I decided to take my camera.. just in case.. in case of what? I don't know..
But the first picture I took came out like this:

It worried me, I was like Crap I hope the humidity doesn't screw the camera...

Walking into the main lodge I got soooooo nervous. I felt ridiculous, I was like What is wrong with me???!!!!! I couldn't eat. I was so nervous about nothing.. just being around so many people or something. I don't know. And then my dad kept telling me I HAD to eat SOMETHING and I just wanted to be like AHAHSDGJASDJSKLJDAS SHUT UP. I cannot stand it when people want to force me to eat when I feel so nauseous I can't even look at food.

I had some tea and crackers... and barely that. Then Abelardo came by the table and inform us about the itinerary for the next day. The first words he said was, 6am we will be taking a small boat downstream to the canopy walks, it'll be about an hour and half to two hour ride... Right when he said that I got this overwhelming feeling of panic. It was like a heat wave inside of me.

I tried to calm myself down. Until it came to the point I felt I was going to fall off my chair and faint. I tried to get my dad's attention and I told him I didn't feel good AT ALL. He got up right away and help me out, it was so embarrassing... by the time we were outside I was uncontrollably sobbing for some reason, I don't know... it just came and I couldn't stop. I don't think I had ever cried so hard before in my life. It was so bizzare. I didn't feel like me at all... I started getting chest pains and soon I couldn't breathe... I didn't know what was happening, I felt like I needed to rip all my hair off or do something. Anything, I was so anxious. And in my head I thought I was going insane. I remember thinking in my head, Is this what it's like to be going crazy? I am going crazy? Apparently I was having a panic attack.

It was so... awkward, too. My dad probably hadn't seen me cry in years and I'm not used to crying in front of anyone so that just made everything more embarrassing. It bothered me. On the long walk back to room, it seemed it took forever, a local man asked if I was Okay and it made me feel dumb. I wanted to slap myself. I felt bad I had ruined my dad and Milena's dinner.

When we finally got to the room, my state wasn't any better. I just got more nauseous as the night dragged on. I stayed with my dad that night and Milena brought all my stuff over. My dad stayed up with me the entire night and that meant alot to me. I couldn't sleep. Every time I began to doze off and the muscles in my esophagus relaxed, I would get the urge to throw up and gag. I think that was the worst night of my life.

And that seemed to be the longest day of my life.

Tuesday - July 3, 2007
My dad's wake up call came at 5:30am... there are no phones there so a staff member personally came to the door, haha. My dad offered to stay with me that day because I hadn't slept yet because I was still feeling nauseous, but I didn't want him to miss out on the canopy walk. The canopy walk in Peru is only one of the few canopies walks in the world, and one of the longest also. The walkways are built as high as 120 feet, right up at the highest part of the rainforest.

So he left, the group was going to have breakfast at another one of the Explorama camp sites. I stayed and thought about all the amazing sights I would probably be seeing had I gone... I hated the fact that I was there, so close. I was there, yet my body wasn't allow me to explore what was just outside the door. Getting the chance to see all these sights I wouldn't be able to see anywhere else in the world.... But just the thought of the boat made me nauseous with nerves.

I remember that morning when a staff member came to do the pick of the room. He carried all the supplies and material in a wheel barrow. I was still in my pajamas and he asked me why I hadn't gone, I told him I didn't feel well to put it short. He told me it was a shame because the canopy walk is amazing... I was like, Yeah... I can imagine. He was really nice. I forgot his name but he was really friendly. I asked him where he lived and he said in the city and that he went back every other weekend. He offered me to bring me breakfast or a juice if I didn't feel up to going to the dining hall myself. And he asked me if there was anything he could do, to just let him know.

Something peculiar my dad noticed about the place, the "hotel" I guess, is that there are ZERO female workers there. It is all men. It wasn't until toward the end of the trip that I noticed it. Male guides, male waiters, male cooks, male workers, male owner, male room services, men everywhere! There's not a single female staff member. It's interesting when you think about it... not seeing a single Amazonian woman. Haha. My dad said the reason for it is probably because many people there still have the traditional, man goes to work, woman takes care of the home/children mind set. It's just the way it is.

I took a shower... felt better, then I finally fell asleep and woke up around 3pm. Then I remember it rained. Yet the sun was as bright as ever.

My dad got back around 4:30pm, he said he was amazing, lol. He was sooooo exciting. He was like a little child.. and something about that made me feel sad for him at that moment. Anyways, he said he had seen Texas John and Donna there also! There were staying at different camp.

To briefly explain, Explorama has a variety of lodges, the lodges we stayed at were the "luxury lodges" lol, the lodges Donna and John stayed at were... tents. Hahaha.. No running water, a hole in the ground for a toilet, no showers, just the river, hahahaha. Two days later they came to our site and she said to me, "No girl in her right mind would go there, Dina!!!" Hahahaha. She said it was horrible, but at the same time the most amazing experience. One of the plus sides of their camp site was that it was literally right next to an actual Amazonian tribe. Incredible.

So my dad came back all excited talking about the canopy walk and how crazy it was and how high it was and how only he and a few other people had gotten to the top because alot of people quit because they would get scared or dizzy being so high up. He said how at the first two levels, the ropes are so dirty from people hands and markings but then at the third level there are fewer... and at the last level there are like zero hand marks. He was proud of himself for making it the whole way, haha. And he was excited he had seen toucans and monkeys.

And he said how they had visited a tribe! A real one... and that they had a pet anteater, haha.

It made me angry at myself I had missed out on something so unique.

Then my dad told me he had talked to Abelardo and that he had agreed to take us on the hike that I missed out on the day before, just the three of us in case that made me more comfortable. I thought that was so nice of him... it made me nervous for some reason though and I didn't want to go. My dad told me I should try though and that the hike was just around the lodge site area so there was nothing to worry about. So I was like Okay... Outside Abelardo was waiting for us and we started off...

This is Abelardo.

Okay I will say this now, I developed a crush on him, haha.

To be honest at first I didn't really like him. From the moment we met him the airport, every time he came to talk to my dad and me and Milena, he would never look at me. He would switch back and forth from Milena and my dad but never to me, like I wasn't there or something, lol. It made me feel like I was just some dumb little girl.

But anyways.

Like I was saying, just going outside gave me anxiety. It was frustrating.

So on the hike, Abelardo told us all about the plants... every single plant we saw, he knew everything about. He basically knew everything about everything. The name of it, how and why it had gotten its name, if it was specially used for anything.

He knew every sound. Every single little sound. And you can't imagine all the different sounds you hear in a rain forest. Every bird, every insect. Every tree and flower and every variety of ant. There was something so amazing about that... all that knowledge.. Then I remember my dad asked him how he had learned to speak english. (Usually he spoke Spanish to us but this time he was speaking english). He said he had learned it by ear... just by hearing so many tourists speak it. I was like WHAT?!?!??!?? He spoke it so perfectly.. seriously, I was amazed..

I felt bad. Because again, I was coming off rude. I knew I was. I barely spoke a word and whenever my dad would say anything to me, I'd just be like Yeah... but it's just that I had anxiety and I was trying to be calm... And being out there was so amazing... I didn't know what to say. And I felt so... I don't know, dumb. And bad because I was coming off under the impression that I was uninterested and inattentive... When i wasn't. I didn't want to come off that way. I was just not myself during that time... I'm stupid. I'm such a party pooper. Actually, there is no party, I'm just a pooper.

Then I remember I slipped on some mud and nearly fell and I felt really embarrassed.

This tree was enormous. Must have been like ten stories high, plus. It reminded me of Big Fish...
Not the tree exactly, but the colors of the leaves against the sun and sky.

So to wrap this up, we saw alot of plants, some fish, lots of ants, gigantic ants, pretty flowers, the real Aves del Paraiso, lots and lots of trees, Octupus' Legs, fruit trees, and lots of huge trees, everything there is so tall... like so tall... it's crazy.

Oh and I experienced some mosquito bites. The amount of mosquitoes really weren't that bad... at all. They were annoying of course but not as bad as I imagine it in the least bit. And they were the tiny tiny kind of mosquitoes... I was happy they were those huge disgusting ones that are the size of your palm.

After the short hike, we thanked Abelardo and we walked around the grounds for a while longer. We saw a macau. We went near the dock and that made me nervous. The river was so vast... it was like an ocean and just looking at it and the way it swayed the docked motorboats made me motion sick.

Something really cute about the hotel is that they have baby bananas hanging from hooks where all the swinging hammocks are and you can go eat some whenever you want... it's really.. chill.

We went back to the room and my dad took a shower and then it was time for dinner.

Dinner time always gave me anxiety. It made me feel restless. And I started to get chest pains on the walk there.

Before this trip I had never experienced chest pains. All I can say is that it sucks. I would get it right where my heart is. Like a tightness, like pressure, like an obese child was standing on my heart. And that would cause me to freak about my breathing. Nothing I did would ease it. It's such an uncomfortable feeling. I hated it. It just made me feel more desperate and anxious.

So despite the chest pains, I remember dinner went much better than the night before. I managed through it. The waiters there are so nice... everyone there is so nice. But I remember one particular waiter who would ask me how I was every day, haha. "Sige mal, senorita?" "Desea un te, senorita?" Hahaha.

Abelardo came by and let us know the next morning's activity was going to be pink dolphin watching, and then a visit to a tribe. And then in the afternoon, there was going to be a "surprise"... and that he would let us know tomorrow. That made me nervous.. but I guess it didn't really matter, as everything at that point made me nervous, so what was the difference..

Okay, I don't think I have really mentioned how amazing this place really was. It really is... charming, enchanting (haha). There is something in the air there. The atmosphere is just so... beautiful. It's perfect.

And allow me to tell you a part of why this place felt so perfect.

One of my favorites parts of being there was definitely the acoustic guitar music the tour guides played by the bar each night. It was utterly BEAUTIFUL. They're all self taught... and that makes it even more awesome. They all sing (and they're good) and ahhhhhhhh, there's something so perfect about it. In the middle of the tropical rainforest, in the evening, nothing but the resonance of the guitar and the distant sounds of the Amazonia... and for some reason, oldies sung in Spanish always sound even lovelier...

That guides alternated... whoever felt like playing, played. Who ever felt like singing, sang. And if any guests wanted to sing or play with them or solo, they were more than welcome. That night I remember Abelardo played the box, haha, I thought that was so funny..

But anyhow, I don't clearly remember all the songs that night, except one. Which is when Abelardo took the guitar and began playing... one of my favorite songs of all time. Last Kiss...

At first I thought, Wtf he can play the guitar too?? And then as I heard the gorgeous melody of the song begin... I was like OH NO YOU DID NOT ABELARDO.

Last Kiss, by J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers...
This song will always remind me of my maternal great-grandmother, Carlota. Because two years ago (I remember the day because it was on the way to the mission site in Tijuana two years ago) in Tijuana, I was sitting on the bus on the way to the site with my mom and I was listening to this song on my iPod and I gave her one earphone to listen to it too and she was like Awwwww, this song is sooo old! You know, it was Mama Lota's favorite song. I was like Really? And she was like, Yeah, she used to love it.

And then she told me a funny story, about when she was teenager... She was in the kitchen with her and her aunt and this song came on the radio. And if you know the song, you know its about a guy singing about the night he went on a date with his girl, and how they got in an accident and she dies in his arms and gives her one last kiss and in the chorus of the song, he asks why she had to die, why the Lord took her away from him, and how he's got to be good so he can go to heaven and see her when he leaves this world. And well, my mom said that they were listening to this song on the radio and all of a sudden my Mama Lota started crying! And my mom and everyone were like Grandma, Why are you crying?? What's wrong? And Mama Lota just said, The song... It's so sad!!!!!

Hahahahhahaaa! And my mom and everyone in the kitchen cracked up! Haha.
My mom says this song always reminds her of Mama Lota too. It's a nice memory. She died ten years ago.

And what was also cool was that my dad recognized the song right away too. He was like, Ohhhhh this song is soooo OLD!!! But a good one!! And I was like, I KNOW! I like it too!! Haha. Originally the song was written in spanish by a South American man and sung by the group Los Daltons... or at least that's what my dad said.. ( And Pearl Jam does some pretty awesome live renditions of this song too, by the way...) ..

So anyhow, it was so beautiful... Right then and there I was like, Omg Abelardo I officially love you. Hahahahhaa. He not only played it gorgeously, but he actually sung it really really well. Like, it was seriously, beautiful. And the fact that it was in Spanish made it all the better... Ughhhhh so perfect! I could have sat there all night listening to him play that song on repeat. I would love it.

It made me wish I played guitar so bad.

After the night was over, we went back to our rooms. My nerves were still on edge though... I took some stuff to help me feel better but as the night went on, again, I felt worse and worse and soon it pretty much became a repeat of the previous night. I cried and cried in panic. I was nervous about the next day. It was so... horrible.. My dad was there all through the night though. Which meant alot to me. Our relationship grew closer because of this as I mentioned a few entries back.

Wednesday - July 4, 2007
I was in and out of light sleep throughout the night. I feel asleep for good around 5am and luckily the wake up call wasn't until 8am that morning so I did get some good sleep at least.

I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to go to the dining hall for breakfast, it made me nervous and Paxil was not doing anything for me, it hadn't been.

But I went and the time came nearer and nearer to when I was going to have to get on the boat, and my dad told me not to worry and that I should really just try at least. So I was like Okay, I really should TRY. That's the least I can do. I am here, I am here all the way in the Amazon, how can I leave without completing a single activity? So I went...

However, the second breakfast was over and we got up from our chairs I got intensely nervous. And by the time we were outside walking toward the dock I was in tears with chest pains. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!! It's so frustratinggggg. And agonizinggg. I remember Milena hugging me. Have I mentioned how nice she is... lol.

I didn't think I could do it. I wanted to quit right away and say, No I'm not going any farther. But I knew I was going to feel even worse without even trying because then that would have just added another "what if..." to my life, so I kept walking.

I walked down the stairs to the dock, stopping multiple times, thinking I was going to pass out. But I kept going. My dad suggested I be the last to get on so I wouldn't have to feel the up and down motion of all the people getting on so I was the last to get on... and then the first to get off.

Pretty much immediately. I got on and sat down and I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. It was really embarrassing. There were like 15-20 other people there.. plus the staff and crew people.

Well, as soon as I sat down more panic came over me. I was scared. I looked out at the river through my hands and it looked so big... so capable of... swallowing me, I don't know. It scared me.. thinking I could get motion sick again petrified me.

The motorboat began to move away from the deck and suddenly I felt so dizzy, as if I was being flushed down a toilet. I felt like I was going to either faint, vomit, or die. And I grabbed my dad's arm and said, I want to get off, I want to get off, Get me off.

And Abelardo who was right in front of me, at the head of the boat, whistled at the motor man in the back and motioned him to get back closer to the deck and then I jumped out super quick and my dad asked me if I wanted him to stay but I said no. How could I make him miss out on PINK DOLPHINS. THE ONLY ONES EXISTING ON THE ENTIRE PLANET.

It was really humiliating having made a scene and having everyone stare at me, and despite the noise of the natural surroundings, the water, the motor of the boat, the other boats clanking each other... there was still this awkward silence... except me, heavily hyperventilating... my face red with tears, but at least I was wearing a hat to partially cover my ugly face. I remember a lady asking me if I was OK. Then it was worse when I was halfway up the stairs and my dad yelled, The key to the room is at the bar!!! I was like Yeah.. I know... Don't shout..

When I got to the top of the stairs there were a bunch of staff men doing something.. working on the vegetation or something and it was really embarrassing because there was that silence again, except my heavy breathing and I know they probably didn't mean to stare... but they did.. and that made me feel really dumb. Like I was just some dumb little girl who couldn't stop crying and couldn't adapt to the Amazon. The same way I couldn't even control my own self.

When I got to main lodge I looked for the key through all the keys that were there. I couldn't find ours, 904. I looked over and over at the same keys but I didn't see it and that made me cry even harder. And I was too embarrassed to ask anyone because I thought that they would think I was crying because I couldn't find the key and that would make me look stupid. So I just left without it and walked back toward the room.

I sat down in the shade in this nice little outside lounge area there was and I cried harder replaying the whole scene in my mind, feeling stupid, thinking how ridiculous I must have looked. First, I'm afraid of planes, and now I'm afraid of boats?? I can't tell you how dumb I felt.

I wondered if maybe the door the the room had been left unlocked by chance, but after a while the warmth of the air began to feel good so I sat there a while longer and gradually stopping crying. A big, and the brightest blue butterfly flew by.... it was really pretty. Then a nasty giant cricket, like the size of a grasshopper, jumped out of nowhere so I hurried back to the room where luckily the door had been left unlocked.

Then I stayed there... the group came back to the lodging around noon time for lunch. He said he hadn't see any pink dolphins, but that apparently they were in the water, they're just really hard to see.. But he said he had talked to Abelardo and he had agreed to take me and my dad on a boat privately if I wanted to attempt to try again or something... I didn't think I could though, just the notion of it made me sick with nerves.

When we went for lunch, when we walked in the main lodge the same lady that had asked me if I was OK on the deck, said to my dad, Tell your daughter not to worry! She didn't miss out on much. And I know she was just trying to make me feel better but to be honest it made me feel dumb, lol.

And apparently that lady lives near Nohl Ranch. Isn't that crazy?! What a tiny tiny world.

So we had lunch. Despite not having eaten much of the food, I can still tell you it was amazing. Everything was delicious... I just know it was. Not only the smell of everything was crazy good but the few things I did taste were perfection. And I could tell by the way my dad and Milena ate everyday that all the food was heavenly. Seriously... this place is perfect.

Then Abelardo came by the table and told us the "surprise" activity. It was Piranha fishing and a visit to a tribe.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to go. And I thought, Wow... piranha fishing.. where else in the world would I be able to do something like this. I hated missing out on all this stuff... ughhhh... I suck.. I ultimately suck.

Before everyone left to go fishing, they had about an hour and half of free time. My dad suggested going on a hike again around the lodging. I think he was trying to help me... not feel like I hadn't done anything on my stay.

I really did not feel up to it but I went anyways, I didn't want to further disappoint my dad and I knew he was only trying to help me.

We saw plants and toucans and trees.. lol. We took a different trail around and at one point we heard something... it was like a deep deep purr. Hahaha it seriously sounded like a cat, and my dad was convinced it was a jaguar and I think he wanted to find out what it was and walk deeper into the brush, as we were no longer on a man-made trail, but I was seriously scared and I was like Ummmm, let's go back, this is scary.. It sounded like it was close and we could tell the direction it was coming from but we couldn't see anything.

We quietly walked back to the trail.... then we came upon a bunch of little monkeys. They were high up in tree vines and they were looking at us. They were like.. Ooo.. Oooo.. Eeee.. Eeee. Eeeee.. haha..

I snapped a bunch of shots...

And I got one looking straight into my camera.
It was so cute, it kept looking back at the camera, climbing up and looking back, haha.

Haha, my dad was so excited, and he kept saying how I had just basically seen all they had seen in the canopy walk but I think he was just saying that...

So then there was still some time until it was time for everyone to go fishing so we went to hang at the main lodge, at the bar. We saw John and Donna there! I'm not sure why but there was something so nice about seeing them there that day.
It was funny, they hadn't showered in four days and they were estatic over everything, lol. They were like Omg, this place is incredible! Omg this drink is soooo good. Omg this popcorn is soooo delicious, omg running water, omg a tiolet, omg I can't wait to lay on the bed, omg air conditioning, omg clean water, omg TIOLET PAPER, hahaha... omg, omg, omg. Omg ICE, hahaha Donna was SO excited about ice for some reason. Lol. They said it had been rough but amazing at the same time. They said camping right next to a real Amazonian tribe was undescribeable. They said the tribe was so friendly and would invite them over and show them about their daily life and stuff... how amazing. They were leaving that night, like 2am or something.

Anyways, it was then just about time for my dad to head to the dock, I so went back to the room. On the way out I ran into Abelardo and he asked me if I was going to be joining in for the Piranha fishing today. I shook my head no and said I really wanted to, that I wished I could... but I couldn't. And then I started crying. I don't know why... it just came out, lol. I couldn't help it. And it was really embarrassing, trust me. I was just sad about the whole thing I guess.. Missing out on EVERYTHING. The fact that I was there, I was physically there, on the other side of the world, so deep in the rainforest and not being able to do anything because of my stupid nerves. It was really frustrating. I thanked him though, for being so nice and agreeing with everything my dad purposed, accepting to take us on a private boat and repeat private tours. And I told him I was sorry too, for being such a pooper because I know if I was a tour guide I'd be annoyed to have someone like me in my group. And I told him that this was the first time something like this had happened to me and that I didn't know why because I've been travelling since I was baby, all around the world and I was always fine, up until a few months ago, that is. I said I didn't know what was wrong with me, and he said, No no, don't say that. Don't say anything is wrong with you because everybody is different, everyone is different and you are not the first person to feel this way and you are not gonna be the last. Lol, all in his funny english... well, perfect english but the accent made it funny. Lol, I get what he was saying and I guess he was trying to make me feel better and that was very sweet of him to say something like that, haha. I said I wanted to go so bad but I couldn't... I was too nervous. And he said, It's okay, you will be okay. And I was like Haha you're so nice and I gave him a pat on the shoulder and thanked him. He is so nice... everyone there is so friggen nice, I swear, it's really beautiful how kind everyone is. I love it.

So I think I slept for the most part, I was always feeling really stressed and exhausted. My dad came back a few hours later. With gifts!... He said he hadn't caught any piranhas, but at the tribe they visited they went to see the tribe botanist or brujo man, or something. And that he gave him some tea leaves for me that was supposedly good for motion sickness. And he said something about sniffing some leaves that were suppose to clear up people's allergies and that everyone who tried it choked up from the strength of it, except him, it didn't do anything for him, he said he kept taking big whiffs of it but he felt nothing, haha. The tribeman was like Wtf. Then the botanist showed the group the plant used as anti-venom if you get bitten by a snake or something. The plant has a root like a potato and you're suppose to cut it and drink the milk and then put it on the bite.. something like that.

Oh and he had also gotten a temporary tattoo of a scorpion. The tribeman who drew it used some special ink from a plant and drew it in matter of seconds. It was cool, haha he was so excited about it. I think Milena had gotten a butterfly and I was sad because I thought, I want a butterfly too...

haha

Oh yeah and he also had his face painted by the tribe people. The red paint they used was made by a special plant that works as a mosquito repellent..

Then it became time for dinner again. I remember when we walked outside our lodge there were a bunch of fireflies... the brightest fireflies I'd ever seen in my life. Like little miniature light bulbs floating in the air, dancing to the chirping of crickets and music of frogs.

So again I was nervous... like all the time.

Seating was arranged there every night, each table had the group's name, that night we got seated to the table next with John and Donna, who were beaming after their showers and having slept on a bed and seeing the nice presentation of the dining area. Hahaha and Donna was still high on ice. They're so funny. I think they were the ones that saw a cayman in the area a few hours earlier... Anyways, they were leaving soon and yeah, we said bye. It was nice seeing them there.

Then we got some cooked piranha brought to us, compliments of some of the group members who had caught some earlier in the day. I tasted it... it tasted fine.. and then I thought how weird it was considering what piranha's eat.. they eat anything.. rotten things... they eat of everything, hahaha.

Near the end of dinner Abelardo came by and let us know there was going to be an optional night activity, which was a night hike around the surrounding area. That made me nervous.. of course. I seriously hate myself, my nervous system is whack. And he also told us the following morning was going to be bird watching in morning and either a Lily pad walk or a visit to La Isla de Los Monos, Monkey Island... before heading back to the city and to the airport at 2pm.

Just thinking about getting back on the boat... and the fact that I HAD TO, it was the only way back.. it made me nervous and hearing it made me intensely nervous as fudge... Ughhhhhhhhh. It's tormenting. I asked if there was anyway I could be put to sleep or something or anything so I didn't have to face getting on the boat myself. There wasn't... I wanted to cry. I kept asking myself, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?????

I wasn't sure about the night hike, I started getting chest pains as we started off. My dad said that if at any point I wanted to go back to just let him know. We were about a group of 12 people, and two flashlights. At first I kept thinking in my mind, you can still head back, you can still head back, ughhhhh the tightness in my chest was getting worse. But I was going to feel really stupid, like a little baby if I went back so I stuck to it. Eventually the chest pains went away and the hike became more and more exciting.

It was really crazy when I think about it. It was so cool. We all walked in a train, Abelardo guiding, Milena hanging on to him, I to her, my dad to me, and so on. It was fun... You couldn't see ANYTHING. IT WAS SO INSANE. You could only see wherever the flashlight was pointing. Other than that it was literally PTICH BLACK out there. So crazy.. SO CRAZY. We cross a small bridge at one point and that was cool, haha.

We came to an large open field like area at one point and Abelardo turned the flashlight off so we could look up to the sky. INCREDIBLE. I saw more stars than I had ever seen in my entire life. I'll never forget it. It was beautiful and everyone was in utter awe... I wish it showed up on cameras but I knew it wouldn't so i didn't even try and just admire it with my own eyes.

Abelardo is so insane also. Out of nowhere he'd point at something and be like Look very closely. And we'd see a tarantula in a hole or a frog's eyes shining from 15 feet away. He has an eye better than a hawk. It's crazy. Crazy crazy crazy. We saw a bunch of tarantulas and some frogs and bats and fireflies and things, but nothing too exciting like a few people had anticipated. As on an earlier hike someone had seen a cayman, so everyone wanted to see something cool like that. But it didn't happen.

I remember during the hike we crossed paths with another group on their hike and Abelardo made everyone stopped and turned off the lights so he could scared them or something, hahahaha.

Toward the end of the hike he made us stop and smell the air. Soon we could feel this nasty odor, he told us it was from a flower that only opened up at night. And then at another point he showed us some fungi that glowed in the dark.

Everything was so interesting and it was amazing how Abelardo knew everything. I could barely distinguish a tarantula from the ground yet he could spot one from 20 feet away.

I don't know... it was just crazy. Being out there in the jungle at so late at night in pitch darkness. Silence... except the music of the nocturnal rainforest... Walking across small bridges and up and down old muddy stepping blocks.. It was exciting... haha it was probably the most exciting thing I did on the trip. It was the only activity I participated in... lol.

After the hike, my dad, Milena and I hunged out in the main lobby for a while, drinking tea and listening to some more of the guides passionately play the guitar and sing acoustically. It was so.. relaxing.

Milena and my dad talked about all the past days and we got on the topic of legends. And they told me about some of the legends Abelardo had told them about. First, the pink dolphin... it's supposedly evil. The grey ones are the good ones that have been known to save people in shipwrecks and such; the pink ones however, are said to be malicious and deceiving. Haha, crazy. I would have never imagined that. Anyways, the legend about the pink dolphin is that its said to have the ability to shapeshift into anyone. It's been said it has that it can transform itself into someone you know, any male, perhaps a handsome young man... and lead you deep into the rainforest... never to return. Hahaha, you think it's funny but some people there really believe it. And who knows... there is so much unknown to the Amazon..

And wait there is more to it, the only thing the pink dolphin cannot change in its appearance are it's feet, one foot will always be longer than the other. So always check a person's feet if you're in the Amazon and you think you're being decieved by someone. And if one foot is longer than the other, don't listen to them... keep away. Because it may be a pink dolphin...

And it was hilarious because on the night hike, when we crossed paths with the other tour guide and his group, when Abelardo shone the flashlight on the tour guides feet I thought he was just helping light his steps for him but Milena was like, He was totally checking his feet!!!!!!! Hahahahhaa.. so funny... yet a little scary... lol, I mean, you think it's so far fetched but then again the locals who's families have been living their for so long believe it in.. they're the ones that would know... hahaha.

Then they mentioned some other legends I don't remember... :( Hmmmm.. it's bad luck to kill a pink dolphin... in old times when ships passing through the Amazon killed one, accidently or not, the ship would mysteriously sink... there are many myth about the pink dolphins..

Another legend we talked about was one about a tunnel or cave or something in Cuzco, near the ruins... where some teenagers disappeared, while some came back mentally insane..

Hmmm.. what else... Oh yeah! Okay Abelardo was born in an actual Amazonian tribe. How crazy is that?? The topic came about when I said I had to come back someday... My dad said, of course, but that if I did, it had to within the next five years. He said Abelardo said that in more than five years there would most likely be no more original tribes left in the area. He said because the older generations are dying, and the younger generations are becoming educated and going to school in the city and aren't coming back to their tribes... Just like Abelardo. His mother is the head of a tribe he said, but he grew up and went to school.. and he just never went back to his tribe, back to wearing loin cloths and such.. that would be weird.

So yeah... interesting, huh? And somewhat sad. To think one day those tribes aren't going to exist... I'm sure there will still be some people there, maybe a demonstration type thing for tourists, but not real, actual tribes. At least not in Iquitos.

And that's all I remember of the night. Soon I started getting really really sleepy. My eyelids became sticky against my contacts and I could barely keep my eyes open. On our way back to the room Milena and my dad decided to walk around the site a little bit! Lol, and I was like... sleep walking.. lol..

But when we got to the dock, I couldn't help getting my camera out and taking a picture.

There was something so serene and beautiful about that sight... the moonlight on the water.. the river's infinite darkness.. yet it didn't look as big as it did during the day...

Look at the fireflies...

When we got back to the room I felt so exhausted that I fell asleep almost immediately and I was convinced it was going to be a good night for once.